Forbidden Emotion
by SnapeBlossom
Summary: The Mauraders Era: Lily and Snape have barely spoken before in their lives when Lily defends him from James. Snape calls her THE word…will Sev and her ever become friends? Or perhaps something more…? LilySeverus wellwritten, please rr!
1. An Expectation, A disappointment

**Forbidden Emotion**

**Summary:** The Mauraders Era: Lily and Snape have barely spoken before in their lives; when Lily defends him from James. Snape calls her THE word…will Sev and her ever become friends? Or perhaps something more…? Lily/Severus

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author's Notes:** I love the idea of Lily and Snape; Severus is so interesting, and you can do anything with Lily really. Please bear with this; it's my first SL fic: Read and review!

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Chapter One: An Expectation, A Disappointment

He blanched. _Lily Evans_ defending _him_?

He would never hear the end of this.

He was sitting in his usual spot, surveying his peers with his usual contempt-filled sneer; they were all so immature, so childish, laughing inanely about nothing of any consequence. Especially Potter and his cronies, who were still occupying the opposite end of the grounds, across the lake, probably still trying to catch Evans' gaze…Evans was in her usual clique, closer to the castle than Potter's gang, seemingly deep in conversation.

"Snape! Is it true?" He looked up, startled – it was Avery, his dull eyes alight with excitement.

"I'm not a mind reader, Avery," Avery looked blankly at him and blinked. Severus sighed, "Is _what_ true?"

"Oh, right," Avery glanced towards the other end of the grounds, "Did you called Evans _mudblood_?" He looked so eager it was sickening.

"Yes," Severus looked away. He kept his face inscrutable…but ashamed, that was how he felt, deep, deep down.

"Seriously?" Avery grinned. He seemed to look at Severus with new respect. "I can't believe it! I mean, I can, but Evans is the prettiest girl in our year and even the seventh years wouldn't have…"

"Avery," Severus interrupted, "As fascinating as this is I am busy…"

"Oh…sure – wait 'til the rest hear this though!" He laughed and stumbled off towards the castle with his massive feet.

Severus felt ill. The whole of Slytherin would know by the time he got back to the Common Room…

How could she have defended him like that? Didn't she know or at least have some inkling about the repercussions they would have to suffer? His scowl deepened. Not that he cared what happened to her. It was he who would not hear the end of this. Soon the whole school would know that he had been defended by a witch, worst still, a muggle-born…Slytherin would have marked him a blood traitor if he hadn't reacted like that…and maybe someone would have unearthed his deepest secret…

No, he couldn't think like that. He would do what he did best; watch silently, take in his surroundings, be calculated, cool-headed. _The complete opposite of that berk Potter_, he allowed himself a small smile of satisfaction; Potter had been fuming at Evan's reaction. What had she called him again? Ah, yes, an _arrogant little toe-rag with all the talent of a flobberworm_. He had watched Potter's inflated ego lose all air, punctured with those words. He had to admire her for that particular insult. Perfectly well-thought out…

He brought his pale fingers to his mouth, shocked. He was _smiling_ because of _her_. He busied himself with his scribblings and felt disgusted with himself. Maybe hanging upside down had addled his brains…

Suddenly he saw Evans leaving the usual gaggle of girls she hung around with, her auburn hair flying behind her. She disappeared into the castle…why did she always do that? Just run off, away from all these people, who clearly cared for her…

A figure he identified as the somewhat idiotic Sirius Black suddenly jumped up and seemed to be arguing with a figure sitting by a tree; Lupin continued to read and replied without so much as a glance. Even from a distance he could see Potter was asking something of them both…

Black obviously lost the argument. He trotted to the castle like the obedient dog that he was…Snape scowled. Perhaps he should be thinking about getting to the library; it looked like it was about to rain, the sky a dramatic canvass for darkening clouds. A rain drop hit his book and he looked up, thinking about why anyone would defend a stranger, what motivated such a person…

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She was curled up on the deep windowsill, in the common room, gazing below at the beautiful grounds; but all she could see was that lone figure, who seemed to take everything in without any effort, without even looking. The first specks of rain freckled the window and she wrapped herself in her arms, trying to stop feeling so low…she'd never felt this low before. Severus didn't seem to notice, or care about the rain…he looked up from his book, at the sky…he seemed deep in profound thought.

There was no one in the common room but a few muted study-freaks (she was usually one of them), a young couple who appeared to be sucking each others faces off and the common room cat, Merlin, who was presently taking up his favourite spot on Lily's lap. The atmosphere was morose, quiet and contemplative.

She heard someone tumble through the Fat Lady's portrait but ignored it, trying to work out why she felt so betrayed…she had barely even spoken to him before today…why did she even care?

"You're not _still_ upset about that are you?" Lily turned defiantly to face her accuser. Sirius Black's handsome face bore an expression of ill-disguised confusion. He leant forward, resting his forearm on the wall beside the windowsill. He grinned, "You do realise it was just a bit of a laugh…"

"How can you say that?" Lily scowled at him, her eyes sweeping unconsciously over at the solitary figure by the lake, leaning against that solitary tree…everything about him was stark, alone, _cold_. She felt her inner warmth, a warmth that attracted James Potter more than he dared to admit, reach out towards that lonely figure…she thought she saw him jerk up, just a bit. Maybe she just imagined it…

"He called you a – he called you _that_," Sirius snarled, straightening up, "And don't you forget it." She looked at Sirius with narrowed eyes.

"And that makes it okay to hang people upside down I suppose?" She asked tartly, trying hard not to break her gaze from his, to admit defeat.

"Look," He leaned heavily on the wall beside the window and looked away from her accusatory stare, "I just came over because James wanted to check you were okay…"

"Since when did you do his bidding?" He suddenly appeared infuriated.

"Since when did you get so lippy? He's a mate and…" She smiled a bit, and again her eyes were drawn inexplicably towards that lone figure.

"Lupin refused then?"

Without missing a beat, "Yes. For some reason he thinks James is dreaming."

"I've always liked Lupin because of that – very astute," She dragged her eyes away from Snape, "Because James _is_ dreaming, believe me."

"Why?" Sirius looked at her with his most puppy-eyed look, "Come on, Lily, it's obvious you both fancy the pants off each other!" Lily paused; she'd have to stoop to some pretty dirty tactics to get him off this topic and away from her.

"Speaking of fancying the pants off people, was it true what I heard about catching you in a – well, _compromising_ position – with a certain someone in a certain closet…?" A very foreign expression marred Sirius' handsome features; it took her a moment to work out it was embarrassment. He quickly shook his head and laughed a bit too light-heartedly.

"I thought I'd done a pretty successful memory charm on Danielle…she shouldn't have walked in on - _that_…" He faltered, his eyes darting to Lily's face.

"Oh, I was just guessing," She said brightly, "I didn't know it was true! Just a stupid rumour. Thanks for confirming it."

Sirius blanched – his hand twitched. He appeared to look very conflicted; one part of him seemed very tempted to draw his wand out and let rip with the memory charms…another part of him deeply relieved another human being knew about – _that_ – without seeming particularly judgemental, the way James was bound to be if he ever did find out…shit.

"You won't…" Sirius' throat seemed dry. "…tell James…?"

"Look, I don't care _what_ you do in closets, or _with_ whom for that matter…" Lily suddenly sighed at the ineptitude of boys to deal with their emotions. She knew that look on Sirius' face; forbidden emotion. It was true Snape had pushed her away…but why did she care? Surely that was a forbidden emotion too. She just didn't understand anymore. "Just butt out of my business and I'll return the favour."

"Because – I mean…" He swallowed hard, "If you tell James I…"

"Like I said," Lily was enjoying this power more than she cared to admit, "It's really none of my business. The same way you shouldn't be here doing James' dirty work."

Sirius took the hint and nodded. He appeared to regain some of his usual haughty composure, "Next time I'll tell him to do it himself, right?" He grinned at her outraged expression – but he'd tripped off out of the portrait hole before she could reply.

She sighed and said to Merlin, "Just what I need; more boy trouble." Merlin purred in reply, his eyes opening slightly in a very listening sort of way. She saw Severus had disappeared; she felt something catch in the back of her throat. It didn't seem fair she couldn't…

Couldn't _what_? Talk to him…? Like friends…?

She sighed a little. She knew that it could never be so. Firstly he hated her, without reason, and she _should_ now dislike him intensely after what he had called her…but what if he was just reacting…? Maybe he was just scared?

Then again Potter had a point, as much as it pained her to admit it. Maybe he was just like the rest of slithering Slytherin, intent on evil and hating Griffindor? She had tried to defend him, for God's sake, there was really no need to have reacted so aggressively, and call her that …

But…but…she just couldn't get rid of the feeling they'd get along well. Anyone could see they were both the top students of their year and…they were both loners; Lily because her good-looks alienated girls, her brains intimidated boys (Potter could have at least tried to come here himself…coward…) and Snape because of his strange, mysterious appearance and his…his…coolness. And then, of course, was his obsession with the Dark Arts.

She decided he was a lost cause. Anyone who could be so terrible to a person that had clearly only wanted to help wasn't worth her time.

Feeling very high and mighty with her decision she leapt up (Merlin hissed loudly, having thoroughly enjoyed the warmth of her lap) and skipped out of the Common Room, receiving some very dirty looks from the couple who were just as disturbed as Merlin by her suddenness and noise.

Where to go now…? She needed to do some extra research on that fascinating potion of Dreamless sleep. Professor Slughorn hadn't asked them to, but he'd mentioned it and potions had always fascinated her…their subtlety, their power to intoxicate minds and ensnare the senses…it was a beauty lost on most people…

Her feet had carried her to her usual haunt: the library. At first it appeared empty… Her eyes widened. Just what she needed:

Severus Snape was silently poring over books in her favourite corner.

Their eyes met. Lily frowned a little but he didn't look away; he surveyed her coolly then went back to his book, as if nothing had happened.

Something about this annoyed her.

Lily Evans loved a challenge, and hated being ignored. She narrowed her eyes.

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"Severus," he took as long as he possibly could to drag his eyes up to meet hers. Pitch black and spring-mint green meeting for the first time – neither one blinked.

"I believe my name to you is Snape," He said silkily.

"Well, _I_ believe you owe me an apology," His eyes bored into hers; she felt almost naked under his intense gaze, but she refused to look away.

"And why may that be?"

"You know exactly why!" To her surprise his cheekbones coloured ever so slightly and he went back to his book.

"Please, enlighten me."

"You – you called me…" She shook with indignation, "You know _what_."

"And you wish for an apology?"

"Well…of course!" He sighed deeply.

"If you came simply to hear an insincere apology from my lips you will be disappointed, Evans," She knew the cold softness in his voice disguised an anger she didn't understand. "And if you need an apology you are insecure in the extreme. Many of us do without."

She suddenly understood, and her anger left her. She was quiet for a moment. "Look, I know what Potter did was wrong, but there's no need…"

"I find it quite amusing," He cut through, with a malevolent smile that didn't reach his eyes, "That you feel the need for this conversation at all."

She blinked. She did not expect this; then again, what _had_ she expected? Snape apologising, maybe them talking about the Dreamless Sleep potion, or discussing the difficulty of human transfiguration…? She nearly snorted. It was obvious that Snape was not…like that.

"I see…" He looked up quickly, hearing a strange note in her voice – defeat. "I know a lost cause when I see one. Sorry for disturbing you, _Snape_."

Snape watched her retreating with an emotion he had not felt for some time: a quiet prick of remorse was burgeoning in his chest. He thought she might continue, thought she might fight her corner for a little longer. He shook his head, attempting to rid himself of the image of those emerald eyes sparkling dangerously; full of power and allure and…just a hint of vulnerability. _She had come here for an apology_…this seemed absurd to Severus. Was there some kind of plot to embarrass him into making a fool out of himself?

And what had she meant by him being a lost cause? He was no such thing. Indeed, anyone who expected useless apologies from a stranger was just that: a lost cause.

He scowled and began scratching out more superfluous instructions from his copy of _Advanced Potion-Making_ a little more aggressively than before. She had unsettled him - that was all; how many people came _looking_ for apologies? It was as if she thought he was…a normal person. Not an outcaste, or someone to be disgusted by. Not even just a human being, but an equal.

He packed his books up; he'd been sitting there for hours, contemplating potions, her motives and why he felt like he owed her something…perhaps even an apology…

He rose silently; surprised by the darkness of the empty library, the empty corridors…he reached the Entrance Hall and turned to the dungeons, having missed dinner. But he didn't feel hungry…

He felt strange.

He entered the deserted Common Room through the secret wall and dropped into his favourite armchair, relishing the warmth of the fire and the emptiness of the dark room. He stared into the kindling fire and thought of Lily Evans' strange request, then of the way her hair, just as bright as those flames, fell across her shoulders…and those bright, emerald orbs of emotion, so full of life and vivacity…

And slowly those thoughts turned to the illicit as his subconscious took over rational thought and Severus Snape was alone with his secrets once more…


	2. Suprises

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author's Notes:** I've been a busy bunny and I've knocked up to more chapters applause! I only got three reviews for chapter one…and they were positive, I think, but all writers (however mediocre they are points at self) seek acceptance – a little review to help me go in the right direction would be nice! Enough of me blathering: Enjoy!

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Chapter Two: Surprises

Damn, she was late! She was _never_ late, and today of all days! She'd even missed breakfast. Lily Evans streaked through the castle, her auburn locks fanning behind her dramatically.

She stopped at the dungeon door and leaned against it heavily, trying to catch her breath. There was a painful stitch on her side.

"You're late," She turned to see the person she least wanted to see in the world.

"So are you," She retorted, clutching the stitch in her side. Severus appeared unnerved for some reason; his expression quickly became stony.

"I am not. Professor Slughorn merely asked me to find you."

"Wouldn't it make more sense to send a Griffindor?" She gasped out.

"He seemed to feel I was the only one who could catch up with the work if I left."

"Obviously…" She rolled her eyes. There was an awkward pause. Severus was standing in front of the door, blocking her way, but she didn't want to go in quite yet anyway. She was still catching her breath. He seemed to be debating something with himself.

"Take this, Evans," He produced a small bottle from his robes; it contents was light silver and it shimmered in the light of a wall-candle incandescently.

She was very tempted to cry out _no way_. She bit her tongue. Her hand brushed his as she took it – he retracted his hand quickly.

"What will it do?"

"Help you catch your breath," He said simply and he swished inside the dungeons without a backwards glance.

She gaped at the door, thinking that he could not possibly be more dramatic and ambiguous if he tried. She was about to slip the bottle in her robes to dispose of it later, but something held her back…

She uncorked the bottle…she drank the light potion in one gulp.

She regretted it at once. _God knows what's in this, I'm so stupid…_

But the potion trickled a path down her, pooling in her stomach, warming her to the tips of her toes - it had worked. It had actually _worked_! The stitch in her side had vanished, she was breathing normally…and it tasted good. Like spring: sweet smelling flowers and fresh air and…light. She breathed in and tried to capture that sweetness; but it had gone as quickly as it had come.

When she entered the dungeon the noise and smoke hit her like a tidal wave. The class appeared to be having great difficulty in making a potion, so nearly everyone had given up. James and Sirius were enchanting their pencils to sword fight, and most of the class were whooping and cheering. Professor Slughorn didn't seem to mind the noise (he was laughing at something Lupin was saying), although he gave her a disproving glance as she was about to take her usual place next to Janet; she gave him an apologetic look as she paused at the table.

"Why are _you_ late?" Janet asked in way of greeting, momentarily looking away from the sword-fight. Lily knew Janet thought she was goody-two shoes and she rarely talked with her outside Potions…Lily knew her skill in Potions was all that kept Janet from moving close to the back of the class, where a stupendous amount of gossip and giggling could take place with Danielle and her little gang.

"Slept in…" Lily replied distractedly, looking around for…

"Where you going?" Janet had suddenly realised Lily was moving away.

"Er, too much noise. I need to catch up…" Janet shrugged and went back to egging James on, who was now kneeling on his desk to get the upper hand on Sirius – and, of course, because he noticed Lily had just walked in.

Lily found Severus, at the front of the class: an oasis of calm. He was alone, his head-bowed, his curtain of black hair shielding the world around him so she couldn't see his face. She saw his body stiffen as she took the empty seat next to him.

"What was in that potion?" She didn't know why she was whispering, it was so noisy the rest of the class probably wouldn't notice if a House Elf with a tea cosy ran around the room singing Christmas carols. Severus turned the page in his Potions book and she started to feel as though he would simply ignore her.

"Ingredients."

"Ha, ha, very funny."

"I know. Apparently I'm quite the comedian." He said dryly.

"Come on, Snape, don't be a spoilsport…" He sighed.

"Will you let me continue my work if I do?"

"Of course," She grinned.

"Some components from Honeyduke's chocolate and…some _extra_ ingredients I thought would be helpful…" He relayed flicking another page over.

"Helpful?" He glanced at her, just a minute glance…She was looking at him with wide curious eyes.

"Would you like a dictionary definition of 'helpful,' Evans?" She was about to get angry, when she realised he was trying hard not to smile; it was undeniable: the corners of his mouth were twitching humorously and he was looking very determinedly at his book – he was _enjoying_ keeping her questioning like this, teasing her…

"As _helpful_ as that would be, I'll settle for just knowing how you managed to concoct such a…" She bit her lip; perhaps he wanted her to complement him. She'd show him. "…well, such a failure of a potion!" He turned to her, a look of utter surprise on his face.

"You mean it didn't help?" He demanded. She shrugged and tried to keep her face blank, but then she couldn't help laughing at his expression.

"Wow, Snape, you _must_ be sure of yourself to look _that_ shocked!"

"Indeed, I am positive that Potter is _far_ more sure of himself than I," His face became stony once more and he returned to his book again. She laughed again. "Must you keep laughing? It is quite distracting."

"I can't help it – you're so funny." She could see, once again, that she had surprised him. He glanced at her; she realised he did so to check that she was being sincere. Why was it so hard for him to just…let go? She decided to change the subject, "But, really, why did you make such a potion?" He must think she was being nosy, "I'm not being nosy, I'm just a bit…"

"Curious. I know." She quickly looked at him – his face gave nothing away. But his tone was…neutral. No dislike, or contempt, just…neutral. She was suddenly thankful that there was such ruckus in the class, because no one could notice this exchange.

"Anyway, I just wanted to say…thank you," His head jerked up a bit.

"There's no need to thank me. After all, you were so keen for an apology and I happened to have a useful potion at the time…" He started awkwardly, allowing his words to dwindle into nothing. Lily smiled just a bit, watching his face…he had such an interesting face.

"Snape, was that you attempting to say 'I'm sorry'?" She asked with mocking sweetness. She saw the corners of his mouth twitch.

"No comment."

"That _was_ an apology, wasn't it!? Full of surprises, aren't you?" She laughed again at his expression.

"As are you," He turned quickly to look at her and she stopped laughing almost instantly…

She'd never felt so exposed. She felt like she was falling into those deep, black pools…was it possible to have such intense eyes…? So full of pain and a coolness that belied a whirlpool of emotion…it never occurred to her to break eye contact…because if she did she was sure this moment of complete understanding would be lost with jumbled thoughts and memories…

She heard a particularly loud roar and she had to look away. James, in an obvious attempt to capture her attention, was standing on his table and sword-fighting even more vigorously. He kept glancing in her direction – he lost concentration and his pencil hit Professor Slughorn on his bald pate and when she turned back to Snape he was staring at his Potions book – but his eyes weren't moving.

"RIGHT! That's quite enough…" Professor Slughorn was interrupted by the bell. End of class. There was an all-resounding scrape of chairs as everyone rose. Severus, as usual, hung back to avoid the crowd – or, more specifically, Potter's gang.

"Lily!" James was near the door, ruffling his hair distractedly. He looked slightly confused. "What were you doing next to Sniv-…?"

"Now, now, Potter, I need to arrange catch up work for Evans," Professor Slughorn shooed James out. James shot a furious look at Severus who allowed a sardonic smile to touch his lips as James petulantly left the dungeon glowering.

"Professor, it's okay, I can work out what to do myself…" Lily, who had barely even got her work out to pack it up again, looked beseechingly at him.

"Nonsense!" Then Slughorn laughed merrily, in his usual exuberant way. Slughorn looked at Severus, then back to Lily – his face shone, "I have an excellent idea! Why don't _you_ help Evans catch up, Snape?"

"S-sir…" Lily felt trapped. Talking to Severus in a room full of people would be quite different to being alone with him. "I don't think Snape…"

"Now, now, Lily, he is more than qualified to be able to…"

"B-but, sir…" Lily then caught Severus' eye; his eyebrows were raised - he seemed very interested to hear how she was going to get out of this. She frowned. _I'll show him_…

"Of course, sir," She smiled evilly as she saw Snape's stony mask slip; he looked shocked, if only for a second. "I need all the help I can get."

"That's the spirit! It's not that I'm denying your natural talents and instincts, don't get me wrong, now…It's OWL year, so we've all got to put or best efforts in! You may use the potion's dungeon any time you like! Now lunch…" Professor Slughorn rubbed his hands together and waved cheerily at them as he bustled out, leaving Severus and Lily quite alone.

"What did you do _that_ for?" He shot at her, slamming his hands on the table – his eyes were narrowed with rage.

"What, Snape?" She asked innocently, delicately picking up her scales. "I missed the lesson and…"

"I know perfectly well you do not _need_, much less _want_, my _help_," He spat the last word out like poison.

"Was that a _complement_, Snape?" He seemed momentarily lost for words; he scowled.

"I will not help you!" Lily sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Look, I nearly missed the whole lesson, what do you want me to do? Fail my Potions OWL?" She chanced a look at him; he was still glaring at her. She felt her face warm up under his gaze.

"I am sure you are unaware, but your Potions OWL is of little concern to _me_. I have better things to do than teach you…"

"Like _what_ exactly? Skulking around on your own? Look, I missed the lesson and…"

"You're just doing this to aggravate me!"

"Don't flatter yourself!"

"I don't need to, you can do that for me…" he began mimicking her words in a high, cold voice, "_I just wanted to say thank you, Snape…"_ Lily blinked, feeling her throat burn…she thought she was finally getting somewhere. She thought she had almost, just about, got to the bottom of the enigma that was Severus Snape.

"I can't…I can't be bothered with you!" Lily cried out. "Look at us arguing! There's no point even _trying_ to talk to you, is there?" She stuffed her book in her bag and marched to the door.

"You think _this_ is an argument?" Severus' tone had at once changed: quiet, calm. She stopped at the door and turned around slowly; his black eyes were rich with untold pain and meaning. He quickly turned away from her, and continued packing away, his eyes seemed to shut down once more. But she had glimpsed…glimpsed something…

"Snape…" She made the choice. She walked up to him softly, with the same determination she had when walking away. "Snape," He would not look at her. She placed her hand on his forearm; he stiffened. "I…would like…just one time to…"

"Here, tomorrow night. Seven O'clock," He said. He swept out without a backwards glance; her hand brushed away, his robes grazing her harshly.

"Yes…" Lily said to no one, her voice echoing across the walls. "Tomorrow night."


	3. Smile

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author's Notes:** Once again, read and review!

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Chapter 3: Smile

Why had he said that?

It was the night he'd have to meet _her_ and he was regretting it already…it was quite clear this was some kind of Griffindor ploy to embarrass him. Why had she agreed with Slughorn that she needed his help at all? Why had she sat next to him? Just to _thank_ him? Surely not…there must have been some ulterior motive…

Yes, Lily Evans was brimming with surprises. She was an enigma…and he'd seen a sly, quick side to her, so different than her usual bright, bubbly self…she'd given as good as she got. He thought over their…what had she called it?...ah, yes, their '_argument'_. He smiled again, remembering her flashing eyes, then her laughter...

"_I can't help it – you're so funny."_ No one had ever called him that...

"What you grinning about, Severus?" It was Johansen, a handsome seventh year with a famously short temper. "About the whole Evans mudblood situation?" Severus jerked his head up. "Oh, yes, Avery told all of us about your little slanging match…" Johansen grinned. He slipped into a chair opposite Severus, and took off his Prefect's badge.

"Perhaps."

"I was surprised when I heard…never had you down as one of _us_ really." He began polishing the badge with small circular movements.

"Some would be grateful for that, I'm sure."

"Hey, don't get all smart on me, _Snape_," Johansen snarled. Severus said nothing, just continued staring into the fire. "I'm glad you called Evans mudblood though…perhaps I can use it to my advantage…" Johansen smiled enigmatically as Severus' looked up at him.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh? Suddenly interested are you?" Johansen sneered. Snape didn't reply, "Well, let's put it this way…you know what happened to Sian Moore, right?"

"The girl from Ravenclaw?"

"That's the one," Johansen leered and Severus felt the blood leave his face.

"Johansen!" Avery had stumbled in through the secret wall, he hunched over, gasping. "Professor Slughorn is looking for you! He said it was about Prefect duties…" Johansen scowled.

"Well, see you around, Severus…"

Severus watched him leave and breathed in deeply; it was true he had never fitted in. But what had he meant by using it to his advantage? _Would she be in danger?_ He wondered, forgetting even to reprimand himself for caring at all. What had happened to Sian was terrible…was Johansen just bluffing? Trying to seem the consummate bad-boy, as usual?

"Slughorn also said the Potions dungeon is open for you…" Avery was settling in Johansen's armchair, his eyes closing. Thankfully, he began snoring loudly, leaving Severus free from unwanted questions. Severus glanced at the clock. He'd have to meet her soon. But after what Johansen had said…maybe…maybe she would be safer if he didn't…

Suddenly he got the strong mental image of her sitting, alone in the Potions dungeon, waiting for him, maybe writing random words the way she was prone to, or reading her potions book, or letting her hair down so it fanned across her shoulders…

Why would she be doing _that_? Severus frowned.

At any rate, he couldn't _not_ go. It was against his principals to make an appointment and not keep it; having convinced himself he got up and left the Common Room with a swish of his robes.

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Lily was having serious second thoughts about meeting him.

She was sitting a little further away from Danielle, Janet and the other girls than would seem socially acceptable, on her favourite spot by the window – Merlin was asleep in her lap, having tired himself out chasing mice all day.

There was fifteen minutes and then he'd be there, waiting…

"Hi, there, Lily," she looked up, startled. James' clear hazel eyes were looking at her mischievously.

"James."

"Hey, don't take that tone with me!" he said in an injured tone, "And after _all_ I did for you too…" He gave her a mocking pout.

"What? You mean nearly killing Snape?" He stopped smiling, "Well, forgive me for sounding ungrateful but that's not the way to impress me." There was a long pause.

"So you think I was just trying to impress you?" He asked coolly.

"Sorry, you didn't?" She asked, narrowing her eyes. "Did it just for fun then?"

"Look, Lily, he called you a…"

"He didn't do anything until you attacked him!"

"And look how he reacted!" He seemed to calm down a bit. "He's a bad person, Lily, anyone can see that." He said this gently, his countenance one of supreme patience.

"How can _you_ say that? You hung him upside down, for heaven's sake! And embarrassed him in front of everyone…"

"I was defending _you_! That was the only reason I did it…"

"You always fight with him! Why can't you just…?" She sighed.

"Just what? Be friends?" His voice was soft once more. "You know what he is…a Dark-magic-obsessed-Slytherin…hardly friendship material. And anyway, don't you think it would make more sense to be friends with your fellow Griffindors…?" She felt her face warm – she couldn't deny it was flattering to have one of the most desired boys in school say something like that to you – she shook her head. "I only did it to defend you…"

"James!" Sirius ran in, interrupting them, looking excited, closely followed by Lupin who was looking, as usual, calm and centred. "Oh," he paused, looking uncertain, "you chatting up Lily again?" Lily had not taken her eyes off James, and he was still looking down at her, with the perplexed look of a lost puppy.

"No…"

"Alright," he seemed slightly perturbed by James' unusual behaviour. "Well, guess what? Snivelly is on his own in the potions dungeon! Perfect for plan get-greasy-haired-git, eh?" He laughed, but then he stopped abruptly at James' expression.

"Sorry, James, you were _saying_?" Lily waited – James was opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish. "I thought so." She gently placed Merlin on the rug (he twitched and gave a bemused look about the room) and stormed out of the Common Room – she distinctly heard Sirius say. "Wow, Lupin I owe you a galleon…"

"Lily, wait!" She was out of the portrait hole and tempted to simply begin running. She stood very still thinking…and then ran…ran with all her heart…through the corridors, skipping down steps two at a time, through the entrance hall…the physical exertion assuaging her confusion…her heart beating so hard and fast…

_Smash_! She crashed to the floor…She'd ran into something, badly scraping her elbow...She closed her eyes tightly, hoping against all hope it wasn't a human being - she looked up – a suit of armour stepped aside, muttering. She noticed a young man next to the armour, who was wearing an expression of superior incredulity.

"I knew you were clumsy, Evans, but this really is the limit." Severus' lip curled. Tears came to her eyes…not because of pain, or embarrassment…she was angry.

"Can't you find _one_ nice thing to say? How about asking how I am!?" She jumped up and bounded towards him – jabbing a finger in his chest, "Or do you think we're all cold, heartless bastards by nature?" To irritate her further he smiled coolly.

"Like me, I presume?"

"Exactly like _you_…" She realised how pathetic this sounded and looked away, rubbing her grazed elbow. He watched her.

"Can't you even do a simple healing spell?" She couldn't be bothered to be insulted for her lack of magical skill so she shrugged in a defeated way and began walking towards the dungeon. To her surprise, he grabbed her arm; she turned to face him – once again their eyes met. He placed the tip of his wand on her injured elbow – her first reaction was to push him away and scream bloody murder – but she was immediately ashamed of this impulse because the graze magically disappeared.

"Pathetic," He mused, letting go of her arm and entering the dungeon…she pressed her hand where his hand been…she felt her face warm. She decided she'd ignore his last comment.

"You can do non-verbal spells?"

"What of it?"

"Nothing…it's just quite advanced…" She tried to not seem impressed, "Anyway, how comes you weren't in the dungeon?" She asked lightly as possible, sitting on the table in the middle of the room.

"I am not late." Severus glanced at her, a strange flicker in his eyes.

"I know, but Sirius saw you in here already…I was wondering why you…"

"Look, Evans, as much as I know you enjoy wasting your own time wondering the impulses and thoughts of other far more complex beings I would much rather get this _over_ with." Severus did not sit, but swept over to the board.

"You? _Complex_?" She made a disbelieving noise in her throat. "I think not."

"Don't even _try_ to pretend you understand me, Evans," His tone was icy.

"But you're like an open book, Snape!" irony heavily laced her words. "It's quite clear you're an emotionally stunted little _boy_ trying to keep people from getting too close by acting like a complete…"

"Be quiet," Severus said it in such a chilling voice she was silenced. "I have been asked to help you with this potion – after this I will have the absolute pleasure of severing all ties from you…"

"An open book!" She could feel angry tears glimmering in her eyes, "That's what you are! That's why you're being _horrible_ to me, because I can read you!" They glared at one another. Finally, he sighed, turning to tap the board with his wand.

"Well? What are you waiting for? _Copy this down_."

Lily blinked.

"I…I didn't bring anything…"

"_What_? Are you just intent on wasting time or are you just woefully incompetent by nature?" She couldn't stop herself.

"I was too busy defending _you_, actually," Tears were dangerously close to spilling, "big mistake that turned out to be…" She rose and began walking away.

The door shut with a snap before her. She turned to see Severus' wand pointed at the door.

"Sit."

"You can't order me to do _anything_," she tried to open the door. It didn't yield. "Open the door!"

"Evans, you said it yourself, you have your Potions OWL to think about." He said quietly.

"And I thought _you_ said you didn't care!"

"I don't. But I do care about what Professor Slughorn will do if he finds out we left each other on such terms…" She glanced at him, as he looked away, his face betraying an emotion she couldn't identify.

Lily, once again, was faced with the choice: he didn't deserve the benefit of the doubt again – she was sure of that. She stroked her elbow – he'd healed it. He'd also given her that potion…words were words. Sometimes they don't mean anything – just the dirty wrappings of meanings that could be completely different. Or the beautiful parcel that held an emptiness within.

Again she was left with the choice.

James and his words or Severus and his actions?

She silently returned to the table.

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Severus was wholly surprised by her decision to stay – he'd gone too far, let his emotions run away with him…

She took her wand out and muttered something – Parchment, an ink bottle and quill shot out of the supplies cupboard and parked itself before her. She began taking down the ingredients on the board; he tried hard not to look at her…no one could deny that she looked adorable, her tongue sticking out between her teeth, her face confused and vulnerable…

His subconscious was suffering – so confused. What was with this creature…? This girl, who surprised him in every way…a girl who had defended him.

Supposedly.

But there was still a small chance that she had…

A small chance.

Trust.

Did he…? Could he…?

No.

Why _not_?

"This is hard…" She said, unaware of his internal battle. "Why would you need to make a Draught that caused you to nearly die anyway…?"

He just couldn't.

But _why_?

"It's not nearly dying," He corrected her, his gaze far-away, still standing at the board, "It causes a sleep so deep that it causes those around you to believe you are dead…"

"Exactly, nearly dying," He glanced at her – she was smiling. She stopped writing the complicated ingredients for a moment, "Why don't you sit down? You're making me nervous just standing there…"

He contemplated her for a moment; he didn't want to let it on, but making her nervous appealed to him…for some reason. He ignored her and paced the length of the class.

"So what's the use of it, then? The Draught…"

"What do you think?"

"I don't know…"

"Think, Evans." She scowled.

"Well…if those around you think you're dead then they won't bother killing you off for real will they?" She said it so quickly he had to start – he couldn't help but let a smile grace his lips. "Why don't you do that more often?" She asked suddenly.

"What? Attempt to kill people?"

"No – smile."

He quickly glanced at her; she was looking at him with a mildly puzzled expression…there was no hint of deviousness, or laughter…his heart was beating uncomfortably fast.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" She suddenly broke into a grin, "I always make people get all uncomfortable…my mum used to tell me off about it…used to upset guests…"

"You certainly have a knack for uncomfortable remarks…" He said, more to assuage his discomfort than to converse.

"You think so?" She frowned a little. "Maybe I shouldn't…"

"No!" She looked at him strangely – he'd said this rather louder than he'd intended, "I mean – no, you should not curb your urge to…to…"

"Make people feel uncomfortable?" She offered – she burst out laughing and he smiled. A real smile…

And he realised that he'd been smiling quite a bit lately…


	4. The Scream

Chapter 4: The Scream

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author's Notes:** To answer a question: yes, I've read DH and loved it, but I wanted to mix it up a little! Thank you for such positive feedback – I'm sorry I cant reply to reviewers, but I'm finding it hard to keep up with work not that College has started, which is also my excuse why its taken sooooo long to update! I'm sorry!!! Please enjoy, and read and review so I can feel happy and write more! Enjoy!

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Lily bundled into the common room haphazardly and smiled at the warmth of the darkened room, a crackling fire welcoming her. It had been a rewarding evening…a bit strange, but definitely rewarding. She was finally getting through to him…

She heard a loud snort – she turned to see James slumped in an armchair by the fire, snoring. It was very late…she gently walked over to him and smiled again at how sweet and innocent he looked asleep. His glasses were skewed, his head in an awkward position, tucked in the corner of the armchair…

"James…" she said softly; he murmured something in response, snuggling deeper. "James, wake up…" She hesitated as she touched him, shaking him awake.

"W-what…?" He opened his eyes blearily and looked up, his glasses sinking further down his nose, so she was confronted with bleary light hazel eyes. He scuffled up and fixed his glasses, petting his hair down uncharacteristically.

"What are you doing down here?" She laughed. He seemed momentarily mesmerised.

"Hmm…? Oh!" he shook his head, "Yeah, well…I could ask you, why you're back so late…"

"I had to catch up with some work…" She said vaguely, instinctively sensing it would probably not be a good idea to say who with.

"Oh," there was an awkward pause, where they avoided each others gaze. "Hey, do you know who Sirius was with that day in the closet?"

"_What_?" This was a surprise, "You don't _know_?"

"I'm asking you aren't I?" She shrugged and looked past him to the dormitory door – how to get there without being rude. "Look, about earlier…" Another surprise…was _the_ James Potter actually going to say sorry?

"Don't worry about it…" She said automatically.

"No, really," he said firmly, looking determinedly into her eyes, "You're right. It was out of line…even though it was Snivellus. He should never have said that to you – but I shouldn't have…" He fell silent. She could feel his eyes on her face…

"It's late," She said, moving to the girls dormitory – he grabbed her arm.

"Go out with me – please," He said breathlessly. Lily felt conflicted…she hadn't expected such a direct request. "Just once…"

"I…let me think about it," She said quietly, not turning to see his face. He let go of her arm almost reluctantly and she made her way to the girls' dormitory slowly.

She collapsed into bed fully clothed and stared up into the canopy, confusion almost overwhelming her.

She liked James. Yes, he could be arrogant and conceited…but he was sweet. And generous, warm…and if she went out with him Sirius might actually stop bothering her – a definite bonus.

Another part of her couldn't stop thinking about the way Severus smiled…the way he held up such a stony front, and how she had glimpsed at what lay beneath…

She shook her head and turned to look through the drapery, at a moon suspended in a clear night sky…it was so bright it almost hurt to look at…so she closed her eyes…

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It had been a few days since then. He didn't know why but he'd been floating on air lately. It had something to do with the fact every time he'd see her, she'd smile and stop – talk. Talk as if she was actually interested how he was, that she _cared_…even when he spoke coldly to her…even when he tried so hard to push her away…

He'd also noticed a worrying development. The Slytherins had started whispering…he could hear their rumours all the time…taunts, malicious comments, darkening the lightened moments of her presence.

It was potions next. He'd skipped breakfast and was pacing the common room, quite aware that he'd be late for the first time in his academic career.

He couldn't identify why he felt so nervous – yes, he would see her again, but what of it? Nothing had changed. She was still the annoying, arrogant Gryffindor who dared defend him, endangering them both, who had wasted a whole evening that could have been spent reading useful books on the Dark Arts…who had inadvertently made him smile, who made him feel…_happy_…

What if she ignored him…?

He banished that thought angrily – he didn't…_shouldn't_…care how she acted around him. It didn't matter. None of it mattered. However she made him feel, whatever her eyes looked like when she laughed, despite the fact she touched his arm to say goodnight…_None of it mattered._

"What's wrong, Severus?" It was Johansen – Severus quickly checked his own features, making them cool and inscrutable, "You look as if you're a little…conflicted." He sneered a little.

Severus did not reply, but continued pacing.

"Oh, by the way, how are you and the little mudblood getting along dare I ask?" Severus blinked hard.

"Which one?"

"Very funny," but he wasn't smiling, "The pretty one…what's her name…" A long, painful pause, "Evans…Lily Evans."

Severus felt as if an ice cube was slipping through him.

"…how are you getting along with _dear_ Lily?"

"As well as with anyone."

"Really? Because I heard that last night things were a little cosier than would be expected…" Johansen licked his lips – Severus was struck at how someone so handsome could look so grotesque. The greed and emptiness in his grey eyes seemed unending. "The funniest thing was, when I tried to see _how_ cosy you two were getting I couldn't find the classroom…you wouldn't know why that would be, would you Snape?"

Snape knew very well why Johansen hadn't found them – he'd cast a very effective spell that confounded anyone who'd come close to the classroom. This was the reason he was waiting outside for her, and why the armour had stood before her, so he could lead her to the classroom without her getting lost…

But all that protection was useless now. Johansen, somehow, had discovered…

_What_?

He had found out they were studying…he had to be bluffing about their…_cosiness_. Snape felt his cheekbones colour, but said with a very straight face.

"Slughorn forced me to help her…"

"Yes. I know." He pointed at his prefect's badge, "People trust me with their gossip…"

"And I suppose you're stupid enough to believe gossip, Johansen?" Severus felt his anger slowly uncurling, his breathe low and controlled – his hand twitched – cursing Johansen seemed like the most marvellous tonic to this rage.

"Don't start looking above your station, Snape," but Johansen's eyes flicked to Snape's hand – everyone knew that Severus could curse people to the ground without uttering a word.

"Indeed. Now I must leave you with your rumours – I am late," He nodded his head curtly and swept out, hearing Johansen sigh in relief as he left.

As soon as he was alone he regretted the words. Johansen would get him back…that was a definite. He sighed and began walking to the Potions dungeon.

He opened the door…and he felt relived to see she was next to Janet, away from him. The class was silent.

He sat down, Slughorn shooting him a funny look. Almost as soon as he'd gotten his books out he felt someone swoop down next to him, and was confronted with her bright disarming smile…the scent of lots summers and flowers...

"You're late!" he didn't reply, just kept his eyes down, burrowing deeper within himself…

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She just didn't understand it. She had sat next to him, had tried so hard to engage him in conversation…but she felt as though she was hitting a brick wall all over again.

It was lunch, and she was sitting at the edge of the Forbidden Forest wondering if she should just give up…she had tried to be friends. Tried…and if he wouldn't then…she couldn't _force_ him. Why was she so keen on him particularly anyway? Yes, they'd had a good evening…but that could easily have been a fluke…it was just that smile…he'd smiled…a symbol of hope, surely?

But she wasn't stupid. She heard what they said about her…that she was 'fraternising with the enemy,' as Sirius put it. Maybe being friends with him really was as hopeless as it first seemed…

She heard footsteps and looked up to see Severus Snape stop abruptly upon seeing her; they stared at one another.

"I guess the correct thing to do is say 'hello' right…?" She asked weakly.

"Indeed."

"Well…" she decided against greeting him – that moment had passed, "Don't let me keep you."

There was a long, awkward pause. She regretted not trying to talk more…they were alone. Things could be _said_ without fear of reprisal from a world they could not control.

"I apologise for disturbing you," he said brusquely, turning to leave.

"You're so quick to apologise when you've done nothing wrong," she said, reminding them both of when he had done wrong how he refused to apologise at all. He paused, his feet still pointing towards the castle.

"As I said before, Evans, you should not feel so insecure and have this _need_ for apologies. Many apologies are merely empty vessels, given by those who have little to offer the needy in the first place." There was a pause, where Lily smiled at him suddenly, in realisation.

"You like the sound of your own voice, don't you?"

"_What_?" This certainly got his attention – it thrilled her how irritated he looked. It always thrilled her when she got _any_ reaction out of him, anyway, because it so rarely happened…

"Well, yeah…I mean, all you had to say was 'whatever' like anyone else would of – but you give these long lectures in contrived sentences…" She didn't mention she actually liked his turn of phrase; it was so much more subtle than her awkward comments.

"Then, I must truly apologise for wasting your time with my _contrived_ sentences and take my leave of you…"

"Don't get all in a huff. Geez, lighten up," She snapped.

"I am not in a…'huff,'" She smiled inwardly at how odd this sounded from his lips.

"That's the kind of thing a whiny kid says," His eyebrow rose making her laugh.

"Is that what I have been reduced to in your eyes…a…_whiny kid_?"

"Maybe. Sit for a while and I'll tell you," He looked at her sharply, "That is…if you want to," she hated how tiny she sounded. He considered her…she felt exposed under his scrutiny, as always, those penetrating dark eyes looking past the social mask she held so steadily.

He took some measured steps towards her. She blinked. This was surprising…

"Have you mastered the potion yet?"

"No," she said it a little too quickly. "I mean…no…I need some help with it all really…"

"Tomorrow?" She felt her heart beat a little faster – their eyes met and she wanted more than anything to jump up and hug him tightly…hope, hope…such a wondrous thing…Instead she said quietly:

"Ok."

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"_Wow…this potion is impossible…" She said, stretching her arms up, making him stare…he could see the hollow of her collarbones, the milky white skin of her neck, glowing in the dim lighting like moonlight, streaks of her hair falling across it like dying embers…_

_He cleared his throat and looked away. _

"_It's even a more taxing Potion to make…" His voice sounded strange to his ears. He had finally sat down a table away from her; he lowered his head, making his own notes about the Draught, trying very hard not to look up. _

"_Oh…" She could almost see her pouting from the corner of his eye, "And this is the last of our tutoring sessions…"_

"_You understand the theory do you not…?"_

"_Yes, but it's not the same as making it…and even these notes are too simplified…" Before he could move or protest she had jumped up in that energetic way she had and skirted around his table – she leaned over his shoulder…her scent encompassed him, a tendril of hair fell to his shoulder…_

He shook his head – he shouldn't be thinking about such…such…

He was walking out of the Great Hall and he his couldn't help but glance over at Gryffindor's table – she was chatting to…_Potter_.

JamesPotter.

And she was laughing. They weren't arguing or exchanging cold comments on the trivialities of the day – she was laughing at something he'd said. And not just a titter or giggle, but the kind of laughter that meant she was throwing her head back, her hair fanning out behind her like an iridescent cloak…

He felt cold rage pound through him. He walked faster out, and distinctly heard her call after him…how could she be so…so… _free_, like that? Didn't she know what an animal Potter could be?

But that wasn't it.

He was jealous.

Such was his rage that he didn't look where he was going and smashed into someone in the Entrance Hall…the girl dropped to the floor.

She looked up - it was Sian Moore...

And she was screaming…a look of pure terror in her eyes.

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**N/B:** I know it looks bad, and it's a bit messy, but I wanted to update! And I love a little conflict before resolution…watch out for the next chapter – if you want (you must request!) I can have a, well, a bit of a "fluffy" scene between Severus and Lily…but only if you WANT!


	5. Chapter 5: Finally

Chapter Five: Finally

Chapter Five: Finally 

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author's Notes: **That's right! I'm back. I feel really, really bad for not continuing for such a long time, but I had college to contend with! I'm going to try hard to finish this in the next few weeks…I can't believe I've returned to this after almost a whole year! Reading and Reviewing always helps…makes me feel bad for being such a slow coach. Anyways, enjoy! Suggestions always welcome.

--

Severus couldn't move – he just stood there, frozen.

A crowd had come appeared from nowhere, circling the weeping Sian, collapsed on the floor. They were looking at him with an emotion he couldn't identify…

Suddenly there was a terrible hush. Only Sian kept crying, a hollow sound in that terrible silence.

Dumbledore was stood at the stairs, closely followed by Professor McGonagall. He briskly walked through the crowd, which parted for him like the seas for Moses. He muttered something to the slightly confused looking McGonagall and she nodded, looking sharply at Severus.

"Sian," Dumbledore addressed the howling girl quietly, "Professor McGonagall will take care of you," He straightened up and looked mildly at Snape. "Snape, you are to return to your Common Room immediately and wait there for further instructions. The rest of you…" He looked upon the crowd of ogling students, "Off to lessons!" He smiled cheerfully almost and waited for movement amongst them; he then silently swept after McGonagall and Sian, who seemed to be heading to the ward.

But the crowd did not disperse immediately. "Come on, Sev…" It was Lily at his arm, somehow the only thing making sense in the confusion of sounds and sights. "Come on…" He forgot to feel angry about her using his first name like this, in public.

"Lily, what are you _doing_?" It was James – the crowd looked on, muttering. She ignored him and grabbed Severus' arm. She looked neither left nor right and walked straight passed James. Suddenly the Head boys and girls came to their senses and began bossily ordering people to move on. Severus distinctly heard some strangled, furious words from James, and the calmer tones of Lupin and Black.

Together they shoved against the tide of students walking to lessons – he was allowing himself to be guided by her – she hadn't let go of his arm…and even though he knew later he'd pay for it he felt, even if this was a fleeting act, cared for, comforted. It occurred to him she didn't care – or cared more for him – than all those people looking on, including James Potter and his cronies. He didn't understand it…but it was enough. Enough knowing someone was there…

Finally only late comers were running distractedly about them – Lily slowed down and he had time to notice little things…like how soft her hand seemed – how it tightened slightly every time someone passed…how strident she was – how brave, even.

At last they reached an empty classroom – she quietly closed the door behind them, and stood facing the door…she looked so forlorn now.

"When she saw you she screamed…" She said quietly. "Why?" He walked to the window slowly – the lake sparkled below in the morning sun, peaceful, serene…so unlike the workings of his mind.

"I don't know," He said wearily, "But I believe it is because something Johnson did to her earlier this year…"

"I thought that was just a rumour," she interrupted. "And even if it was true what has it got to do with you?" She dashed towards him suddenly and he was taken by surprise once more – tears flashed in her eyes, she gripped his arms, "What have you done?"

And suddenly all that mattered in the whole world was that she had to know – had to know…

It seemed in slow motion that her hands loosened from his arms and he caught them back and stared deeply into those sparklingly emerald orbs…a surge of emotion leapt in him – suddenly he noticed everything in that face…her lips parted, her eyes flashing, her skin flawless and everything, everything…so easy to…

"I have to go to the Common Room," He said distantly. Neither of them moved an inch. It seemed like forever that they stood there, staring into each other's eyes…

"Go then," She whispered. He nodded slowly – imperceptibly bent forward…then he dropped her arms and headed to the door. He stopped suddenly.

"We cannot…we cannot meet anymore. Or talk. The whole school…everyone knows of what goes on." He shot out of the room before she could respond.

--

James couldn't believe his luck.

Lily Evans was sitting beside him in a nearly empty Common Room, poring over his homework – her tongue was cutely sticking out of her mouth, and every now and then she frowned and tutted at his (many) mistakes, crossing and correcting with her pure white quill.

He sighed. They'd been sitting there for over two hours and he'd tried, in vain, to chat about her, himself, life – anything other than work. She just wouldn't respond. He suddenly remembered the strange happening in the Entrance Hall with slimy Snape – even if it ignited her anger, anything was better than this terrible neutrality.

"What happened today was really bad, wasn't it?" A flicker of an emotion he couldn't identify crossed her beautiful features and then – nothing.

"Why on earth have you added so many newt eyes in this recipe? No wonder your potion smelt so bad." She smiled at the memory…and then suddenly remembered her and Snape laughing in that class, comparing notes (using the usual din that was created by the class)…chatting about the other magical schools, dark magic, unicorns…anything and everything.

"Umm…" She saw he was going to open some other subject so she gave a big, dramatic yawn.

"I feel really tired…that's it for today, yeah? Bye." She jumped up.

"Wait!"

"What?"

"Would you…would you come with me to the village this weekend?"

An automatic "no" died on her lips.

"Sure," She shrugged, "I don't have any plans." She had made plans a few days ago…with most of the school empty because of the planned trip to the village Snape and her were going to meet up and "to work on more potions". But she had decided to try and convince him to take a long walk down unknowable corridors with odd quirks (one memorable one made you invisible – a lot of fun playing 'it' – A/N sometimes known as 'had'). It would have been so fun…

She thought about this whilst staring up at her canopy. It was more of a dream then a plan…he could never have agreed, and now he didn't even want to talk to her…

She then began to softly remember how close Snape had been…how if he had leaned even a little closer…she dared to dream no more. She thought about James. And how she would have fun in Hogsmeade. And it wouldn't be secret. It wouldn't be special. It wouldn't be…anything. It would be her and him and his gang and some other girls…it would bore her. She'd put up with it. And that was that.

--

It was a cool Friday morning and he felt very hungry. He'd missed breakfast and was currently missing Potions – the first time he'd ever skived. He'd tried to rationalise it, but he knew it was because of her…he'd done very well so far in avoiding her…but Potions was the only time he could not control himself – and would talk to her – say a greeting, or ask how she was…

Stupid really, he smiled sardonically to himself. Really very stupid.

Dumbledore had called him to his office, sending a very serene looking Fawkes, the Headmasters pet phoenix. He'd entered the large door, went up the winding escalator staircase, and was confronted by a pensive looking Dumbledore – Fawkes had settled on Dumbledore's shoulder and duly received a treat – he then fluttered to his perch and proceeded in preening his wonderful feathers.

Dumbledore turned his twinkling eyes to Snape and softly motioned to the chair before his desk. Snape sat – Dumbledore followed suit. They sat silently for a long while.

"It is a beautiful day, don't you think, Severus?" Severus took courage from the gentle tone Dumbledore said this observation – he relaxed a little. "Many don't care for looking at nature or the simple beauty around them…prefer to moan when it's pouring down I suppose," He waited a moment and smiled. "You remain silent, Severus. Even after the strange event in the entrance hall, you remain silent, Severus."

"I have nothing to say…"

"I thought so," Dumbledore considered him calmly, "I am aware of the happenings in this School, Severus – as one day you will," He smiled – and Severus couldn't help but feel reassured, despite these enigmatic words. Dumbledore watched Snape from behind his moon-shaped glasses silently for some time, "Sian is under the care of madam Pomfrey– her memory was modified. It was quite a powerful charm…she will have to be transferred to St Mungo's today."

"I hope she will recover," Severus remarked politely.

"Indeed, I'm sure you do. If not for her and her family, but for the purely selfish reason of your reputation," Severus felt himself colour, Dumbledore seemed unaware of this as he went on, "All I can ask you are two questions: who would begrudge one as young as yourself?" He smiled …then his face darkened, "and why through Sian?" He waited patiently, his penetrating eyes searching Snape's face.

"I..don't know." He said slowly meeting Dumbledore's gaze, he suddenly remembered his headmaster's reputation as a powerful Occulmentist and diverted his gaze.

"Very well. I only ask you to remember that an innocent girl has been traumatised and further investigation may lead to nothing – I will then be forced to call you back here, Severus." Dumbledore closed his eyes, placing his fingertips together, and Snape took this as his dismissal. As he got to the door Dumbledore finished, "And please remember to send my regards to Lily Evans – a wonderful girl, I'm sure you'll agree." He opened the door, closed it behind him and quietly went down the winding stairway. From there he walked to the Common Room, sure his fate had been sealed: if Johansen was not caught he'd be expelled…thrown from the only home he knew…

And now, lying back in his bed, skiving off his second best lesson (after Defence against Dark Arts) he realised there was only one person who could help him…the person who he avoided now, and yet wanted in passionate longing…Lily Evans.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Lily laughed at another joke and took another swig of butterbeer. She was wrong to think she wouldn't have a good time; this was fun! Danielle and Janet had joined Sirius, Lupin, James and her in a merry corner of the famous pub, which was unbelievably crowded for such a wintry evening; they were all cracking rather rude jokes about various magical creatures and their resemblance to some of the Hogwart's staff.

"Haha – what about that strange old woman in the turret?" James' forehead creased as he tried to remember, "You know the one - looks just like a Hag with spattergroit…"

They all roared with laughter, and drank more and were being young, vivacious, _reckless_. Lily loved it – for once no mind games, no tension – no worrying. Suddenly Danielle had a very evil look on her face, and Lily noticed the brief glance between her and Janet.

"Hey, Lily?"

"Yeah?" She smiled, attempting to fend off whatever trouble was going to transpire. Lupin was explaining something complicated about Dementors to Sirius, and James' appeared to be listening, although his attention was caught up on Lily.

"Is it true you and Snape are…well, that you're an item?" Lily stared at Danielle, who smugly took a swig out of her butterbeer and grinned.

This was a terrible moment for Snape to stumble into the pub, bringing with him a swirl of cold wind and ice. Someone yelled, "Shut the door!" But he ignored them and scanned the pub…

Their eyes met.

She knew what this looked like. She was sitting extremely close to James, in that tightly packed pub, looking merry and warm and happy. He blinked and then slowly turned, closing the door behind him. She felt her heart drop, her head suddenly pound with confusion – she wanted to know how it had gone with Dumbledore…she wanted to know if he was ok. Now that the door had closed the room seemed too hot and stuffy. She got up, then sat down, her head swimming…

"You ok, Lily?" James asked her.

"Yeah…just feeling a bit…off."

"Want me to take you back to the castle?" he offered softly, brushing his hand across her knee. She felt ill. Danielle suddenly noticed what was happening.

"Hey, you never answered, Lil'!" She asked in a terrible, sweet voice.

"I…I want to go," She said slowly. "It's so hot in here."

"Sure, sure, it really is! I'll take you…"

"No, please, stay. Enjoy yourself…"

"But…"

"Look, I just want to go…"

"But I could escort you, and make some hot soup for you or something…" An embarrassed look. Everyone just stared at him.

"Seriously, James, let her go," Sirius said, breaking the awkward silence. "You're smothering her." She shot a quick smile at him, making a mental note to thank him later – although she had kept to her side of the bargain and hadn't told James about The Closet Incidence, so this was small service.

She said her goodbyes and tripped over the many travellers and customers to the door.

Hogsmeade looked like a picture postcard for Christmas in the darkness. The cottages and shops had a thick coating of white and Lily shivered, glad to be away from the heat of the stifling pub, and Danielle's probing questions.

She began the long walk back, grateful to be alone – she felt like she lost herself in that rambunctious company. Her feet made deep footprints in the snow, and she idly wondered which footprints before her were Snape's…

Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder and she froze – it was night, in Hogsmeade and no one was around…it was stupid of her not to take James' offer. This is what happened to Sian, and she had thought then how stupid it was of her to walk out late, alone. She was going to pay fro this surely…

"I can't believe he let you go out alone like this," said a familiar voice softly. She turned quickly to face the tall figure, his face half-hidden in shadows…her heart leapt in her chest…she was so relieved she jumped to him and encircled him with her arms.

"You idiot," She said, her voice muffled in his overcoat. "You scared me…" She suddenly realised he was holding her, and when she said this his arms tightened around her.

"Sorry…" He whispered. She breathed in deeply; he smelt of autumn leaves, of wintry afternoons and apples…all crisp and sharp and delicious. They stood in the snow like that for a long time, swaying softly in the darkness, the snow glinting around them as if aware of the magic between them. He felt so solid, so real to her, compared to that almost surreal Snape that harangued her on an almost daily basis; this was their true selves, meeting finally, where no sword-fight-word play and confused emotions could interrupt. His arms draw her so close she could only show her understanding by holding him even tighter…as if this was their only chance. Their final chance.

"Let's go back to the castle," He murmured, when he felt her shiver. And they walked, his arm around her shoulder, her arm around his waist, all the way back to the castle, blissfully unaware of anything but the knowledge that there may be hope in a world against hope.


	6. Beaten

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**A/N: **I'm back again…although just a little disappointed with the number of reviews this story is getting…does no one out there care! This is a lot of work pouts. Although I must give my specific thanks to:

**Donroth** (your comment fired me to finish this chapter – very sweet)

**Toffeepop** (thank you!)

**Keaneplay** (you reviewed every one of the chapters! I love you!)

Now…enjoy!

--

Chapter Six: Beaten

He clenched and unclenched his jaw and continued pacing about the Common Room distractedly. It was known as the most uncomfortable of the Common Rooms, although it suited its inhabitants – except one, although he'd never admit it.

Severus Snape had never felt so agitated. His protocol…his way with people…_what had happened_? The events of last night were replaying vividly in his mind's eye…he had held her, and she fitted so completely against him, and had felt warm and…as if she had belonged…

He stopped and smiled sardonically to himself…this smile faded almost at once.

She didn't belong to him. No one belonged to anyone. He shook his head.

What was this madness? After all, hadn't he told her they should not talk anymore? What happened to his _resolve_? His _strength_? Why couldn't he just walk away from this, the way he walked away from everyone so many times before?

Solitary Snape, walking alone in a world that was simply beneath him…He tried to convince himself of logical explanations – perhaps he was stringing her along to irritate the deserving Potter? Perhaps this was a transitory lust and he'd had his fun he'd laugh at her foolishness, then leave? The firelight flickered softly as he sat in the armchair before the fireplace. He stared into the embers and thought of how her hair was a richer, darker hue than the burning flames….

Why had things gotten so complicated? Why could he not just be as before? He scowled. Before everything was so much more simple…he almost felt he could blame her for his ineptitude at control; why was she so good at luring him out like this? What was it about her that made him feel so…?

"Why so sad, Snape?" It was Johansen, appearing from behind the seemingly solid wall entrance, looking absolutely calm – Severus knew this could not bode well.

"The world has many tragedies – only the foolish would smile and laugh whilst alone, without distraction," He gripped the arms of the chair slightly as Johansen stood before him, smiling coldly.

"I'm glad you think so – because I have my own little tragedy to tell," His handsome features seemed to have smudged in his triumph, "I saw you last night with the filthy, little Mudblood. I _saw_ you, and nothing you can say can change that. No curse, nothing…" Severus shot up, his wand already at hand. Surprisingly Johansen just laughed and didn't even attempt to get his wand out, "Not even a memory charm – I've told a few people about your little trip in murky waters – or should I say Mud-water." He laughed again – a loud abrupt sound in the silence of the room.

"What do you want?"

"I thought that would be obvious to clever, clever little Snape," Johansen spat out, suddenly not smiling, "Her. Just like Sian. I want her." His greedy little eyes met Severus' inscrutable gaze.

"She's not mine to give," He said quietly.

"Didn't look like that to me last night!"

"Johansen, Dumbledore knows something is afoot – I advise you to…"

"Dumbledore? _Dumbledore_?" Johansen laughed almost manically. "What can he do when no one…" He grabbed his wand out of his robes, "_No one_ has said a thing? Have they, _Snape_?"

They stared at each other, Snape feeling a deep, cold hate. He knew that if he cursed Johansen to the ground Lily would be his next target…but he already said that was his goal. Telling Dumbledore would just incur the wrath of the Slytherin house…he could do nothing…nothing.

"_Cruc-_!"

"_Protego_!" The invisible shield threw Johansen against the wall, the curse bouncing off against the fireplace, so the fire went out, leaving the air chill, the room dark.

"You idiot. You'll pay for that…or rather, _she_ will," Johansen rounded up on him, "Unless…unless you take this like a man…" Snape had only ever been beaten by one man in his life – his Muggle father. He'd only ever been bullied by spells, by magic…the humiliation of being punched, kicked, spat upon…to feel pain in this deep, crude, physical way, was perhaps worst than the Unforgivable curses to him. The only thought that kept him from retaliating was Lily…she was the innocent bystander…he could be noble, this one time…

Punched, he flew to the ground – kick, kick, kick – his stomach, his torso, his head – he felt some teeth chip, the coppery taste of blood at the back of his throat – his body protested, his hand instinctively gripped his wand…yet how could he do anything…he curled up and waited. That was all he could do.

"Coward. Protecting a…filthy…Mudblood…" Johansen gasped, wiping his forehead, "This is the deal – stay away from her and I might – _might_ - just be kind enough to keep her out of the hospital ward…"

"I'll…" he couldn't believe the effort of talking, "Dumbledore…" Johansen laughed.

"Who would believe _you_? Openly obsessed with the Dark arts, in fights with Griffindor on a weekly basis? They all suspect you, everyone – who would suspect me?" He drew himself up tall, his prefect badge glinting, his blue eyes chips of ice.

Snape heard rather than saw him leave…with an almost inhuman effort he crawled to the entrance of the Common Room – he felt himself slipping in and out of consciousness…

--

"…but I'm fine! Really!" Lily stared back at the disbelieving faces of James and Lupin – Sirius was nowhere to be seen.

"But when you left you said you were feeling sick! And then someone said they saw you walking with…" James stopped when he saw Lily's face.

The Common Room was noisy, warm and filled with Griffindor's ready for Christmas. Lupin and James were facing a very testy Lily in one of the quieter corners of the comfortable room, using the cover of happy voices to engage in a rather awkward conversation.

"Look, I don't know who's been saying what, but I don't have to listen to it – I only went out with your lot _once_! That doesn't mean we're _married_ now or something!" Lily pushed passed them, and took long strides to the Common Room entrance. She shot out and stopped, totally unsure on where she was going, what she was doing…

"_Lily_!"

She decided it was probably better to deal with this now rather than later. She turned to face James only to see Lupin clambering out of the portrait hole ungracefully.

"That's right, just scramble out like that! Not a thought to _my_ feelings…" The Fat Lady spouted. Lupin ignored her.

"Lily…"

"If you're going to stand there and tell me what a great guy James is don't bother…"

"But, Lily – he is." He tilted his head slightly and waited.

"That's it is it? Lost all power of persuasion suddenly, Remus?"

"Lily, James was _made_ for you…"

"That's where you're wrong, Remus…" She didn't understand why, but her voice was straining, she looked away. "You're wrong…look at how he treated…"

"I know, Lily, I know. But I'm sure Snape would have done the same thing if he was in James' position…"

"No, Remus. You're wrong," She met his steady gaze, "Severus would never have reacted liked that…"

"_Severus_?" Lily and Lupin turned to be faced with the very un-amused face of Sirius Black. "Since when have you started calling him _Severus_?"

Lily couldn't deal with this now. She turned and walked very fast, as if she had an idea where she was going, when she could barely see straight from the tears…it was all too much.

She wanted to find Severus – she wanted him to tell her how stupid they all were, and being friends with Slytherins was as normal as being friends with any other House. To her relief James' posse didn't follow her, probably aware it would do no good.

She paused at the Entrance Hall…friends? Was that what she was with him now? Just friends? Hadn't they held each other in the dark? Hadn't they whispered goodbye…had she just imagined the longing in his voice…? She certainly hadn't imagined the longing in hers. But being friends was enough…she just wanted to be near to him, just for a short while, just be close, and know that there was – _something_, between them. She hadn't even asked him what Dumbledore had said about Sian…

She was now approaching the dungeons and it was if in slow motion she saw a body, collapsed on the floor – she didn't think. She ran to it, kneeled and turned the face to her – it opened its eyes slightly – It was Severus. He looked like he'd been beaten up very badly – one eye was black, a large bruise was blooming beneath her left cheekbone, and a trickle of blood was escaping from his mouth…The sound of his breathing was ragged, weak.

"Severus!" She gaped. Amazingly he didn't even seem to register her presence – if anything he seemed to push her away through the haze of his pain.

"Severus, I don't know any healing charms – I…I…who did this!? Where's your wand?" She saw his wand clutched in his hand…it didn't make any sense, "Why didn't you defend yourself? Why…?"

"Get…" She kneeled closer, listening with all her heart, "Get…away…"

"I – I don't understand…" 

"Get…away…from me…" She stared at him, stunned. But she shook her head and called out for help – to her utter surprise she heard hurried footsteps behind her and turned to see Madam Pomfrey bustling routinely, holding what looked like some purple sick in a jar.

"Mercy!" She cried out when she saw Lily leaning over Snape's barely moving body. Lily imagined what this looked like – she didn't care. The next few minutes past in a blur…Madam Pomfrey's hurried words and unanswerable questions… her insistence in calling Dumbledore and her attempt in forcing Lily away…

"No! He's my…he's my friend! I'm not just going to leave!" So now she sat beside his bed in the clinically clean hospital ward, her eyes round with shock…she had never felt so confused…

Soon they were all there; Dumbledore, Slughorn, McGonagall…they questioned her fruitlessly for an entire hour – until Dumbledore, thankfully held up his hand and suggested she should get to bed.

"I'm not tired, Professor." Dumbledore looked at her a long time and then smiled a little sadly.

"I will ask Madam Pomfrey to treat you for shock; you may stay the night here, of course, until you recover," and only then did they leave, even though Slughorn still looked confused as to why he'd been summoned from his cushioned office, and McGonagall still looked dissatisfied.

"Broken ribs…broken teeth…bruising, internal bleeding…God knows what they get up to…wasn't like this in my day…" Madam Pomfrey muttered as she dispensed some electric blue liquid into Snape's mouth. She tapped her wand over his lifeless form and then paused, "More difficult to cure, this one, with all these past injuries…is he a Quidditch player of some sort? Doesn't have the build for a beater…" She said this wonderingly until she glanced at Lily's face. She quickly gave her a cap of a warming potion for shock and then forced Lily to roll into the adjacent bed, despite Lily's protests.

Only when Madam Pomfrey was satisfied she was tucked in and well did she retreat into her office…only then did Lily allow herself to consider all that had happened. She felt shock pour through every inch of her – renewed, perhaps, by the silence, the darkness, the lack of movement…everything. The potion had taken away the sharp, brittle element of shock, but not the fear, the anxiety she felt for the lifeless form beside her...

She turned to watch him, thankful for the darkness of the room – she felt her cheeks colour, her pulse quicken…she wanted to know what he thought, at that moment, even in his sleep…

She couldn't believe it was only the night before they had been so ridiculously close…perhaps he had sensed something of this sort would happen. Intuitive, intelligent, compared to her blundering, babbling self…perhaps he had planned it all, done it for fun, a laugh to impress his Slytherin colleagues…but of course he hadn't! Was she now, after being so adamant to James, succumbing to the fact he was the stereotype Slytherin, evil and conniving? She _knew_ him…he would never…

She felt tears rise in her eyes but she wiped them away hastily. She realised she knew little, if anything, about him; after all, what did she know of his 'past injuries'? What enemies did he have that would nearly beat him to death? Surely not James…No one could deny how panicked even Madam Pomfrey had been; he had been near death, and even James wouldn't take a joke that far…

And this is what hurt more than anything: at that moment, when he could have died in her arms, he had pushed her away.

To be fair, she had pushed herself upon him, in he usual _subtle_ Griffindor style. _Totally without tact, the lot of us…_she smiled a little, thinking she'd admit this to him when he woke…if he woke…

She heard a soft groan next to her and she rose silently to his bedside.

"Severus?" He looked pale, paler than she had ever seen him – she nearly thought she'd imagined the sound, until his eyes flickered open and they beheld her. It seemed like hours…he stared at her and at first she found confusion…and then something she had never seen in his unfathomable eyes before: it was something like pain…like grief…yet there was no self-pity, no anger even…it lay deep within the darkest shadows of his eye and when she blinked it had gone.

"Are you ok?" She whispered – it sounded high-pitched, even to her. And stupid. He didn't even answer her – he sat up and glanced to the bedside.

"My wand," He said quietly – she stared for a moment and then quickly passed it to him. He pointed it towards Madam Pomfrey's office and murmured _Muffliato._ He then turned to her and waited…for what?

"Severus…I…"

"What are you doing here, Evans?" He cut her, speaking quite normally. Lily waited for Madam Pomfrey to come running in to scold them, but obviously his spell had blocked her ears or something.

"I came to find you – and I did…but…" She paused a moment and gave a sad smile, "not in very good shape."

"Fine," There was just a bit of bite in his voice now, "Then why have you remained? I am in capable hands now," he jerked his head towards Madam Pomfrey's office, "so I will ask you again: what are you doing here?"

"I…" But she couldn't think of how to answer. What had happened to the Severus of yesterday? Why had he reverted to his usual cold, somewhat cruel self…? She wanted to tell him…her very soul seemed to shudder in contradiction; she could say nothing to this immovable wall. He was hurt, yes…but the steely glint in his eye, the stubborn note in his voice told her she was, once more, in for a fight.

"Well?" She took a deep breath.

"I think it's me who should be asking the questions – you're the one cluttering up the corridors with your dead body, Snape." There, she had done it.

"Oh I see…so you've not come to inquire after my well-being at all, but to ask after my recent decorations of the school? Fascinating, Evans, simply fascinating," she burst out laughing and she could have sworn she saw the shadow of a smile cross his face – but then it darkened once more.

"Severus, lets not go back to how we were…" she said almost cajolingly, encouraged by his small smile, "I thought we were friends now…I thought…" There was an empty pause.

"Leave," he said shortly.

"What?"

"Are you stubborn or simply stupid? I asked you to _leave_," He said viciously, glaring at her. She blinked – once more she felt numb – stupid….rejected.

"Okay…" She rose and turned – she felt something collapse within her – perhaps it was her conviction they were something more than they had actually been. "But you should know…this is it." She said with a note of finality, she hoped. So she walked away, her eyes and throat burning, her thoughts confusedly scattering about her brain, although one thing was quite clear to her: this was one puzzle she would let go of, that she would pursue no more…she would let go of the enigma that was Severus Snape. She would leave him in the empty hospital ward, ask no more questions, burden him with her presence no more…

And she would go out with James, forget Snape…forget everything. After all, he was a Slytherin and about as noble and brave as a cross between a Pygmy Puff and Peter Pettigrew.

--

**A/N:** Okay, I admit it: I am evil. Not only have I decided to end this chapter on a really bad note (so, so evil, right?) I'm leaving it up to you to decide if you want Sevvie and Lily to end up together or not! I think there's going to be 13-15 chapters eventually (unless people want more…unlikely with the amount of interest in this story ). Look forward to the next chapter! And review or DIE!!


	7. Promise

Chapter 7: Promise

Chapter 7: Promise 

**Disclaimer:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author's Notes:** I felt really bad after the 'blackmail' thing…and I never really meant that I'd let anyone have control over the plot at all. It wouldn't be very true…but, what the hell. People write stupider things then what they mean. Anyways, let's move swiftly on.

Firstly, thank you toffeepop! Very sweet of you. And you to Artika, for admitting and proving blackmail does work. And to the other reviewers thank you! Please R&R.

--

He waited for relief to wash over him as he watched her walk away…he felt nothing. He continued staring at the door, almost as if she'd come back, long after she'd gone…

He'd done the right thing – a cool smile graced his lips. He'd never believed in the 'right thing' – that was some idealistic concept that people like Potter propagated with arrogance and self-importance. Such things as nobility and courage – these were air-headed words for often selfish acts. What he had done – in turning Lily away – was not noble, however selfless…of that he was sure. If it had any of the attributes of nobility why did he feel like he'd betrayed her? Why did he feel numb where so much certainty had flashed through the agony of his injuries?

A certainty that he must protect Lily Evans; it was engraved, there, where his sense of superiority usually lay, where everyone was beneath him, the world a stage for the miraculous things he'd bring given the opportunity, given time.

Again he attempted to rationalise it; perhaps it was due to Johansen's attack that his ideas, his feelings had changed so…but no, he had ample opportunity to retaliate – it was only the thought of Lily's flashing green eyes (he had decided it wasn't that exact shade of spring mint green that was so enchanting, but its attempt to hide a pure innocence within) that had stopped him.

"_Severus, lets not go back to how we were…I thought we were friends now…"_

Her bluntness was quietly disarming. How could he deny that? It was the same bluntness exhibited by most of the idiotic Griffindor…but in her it was somehow…less offensive. In fact, endearing. It was vulnerable…it was…

He stopped himself. This was going nowhere. These were frivolous thoughts, disrupting his natural thought pattern…he had already decided to protect her, wasn't that enough?

He turned his brooding eyes to the ceiling and sighed deeply, listening to Madam Pomfrey leave for the night.

It obviously wasn't.

--

"Oh my God, really?"

"Yeah – I couldn't believe it myself!"

"That is so, like, amazing! Who told you?"

"Janet told me not to say – opps."

"Janet? Isn't she a bit of a, you know…"

"What?"

"Well," In an obvious whisper, "A bit of a liar?" Fits of giggles.

"Who even cares? This is hot gossip."

Lily felt like she was slowly going mad listening to this banality, even though the 'hot gossip' she heard actually concerned her. Danielle and one of her dim-witted cronies were slowly picking apart the events of yesterday, unknowing that Lily herself was sitting a few metres behind them in the windowsill, hidden by the long velvet red drapes.

"Who told Janet?"

"Well, apparently, Madam Pomfrey told McGonagall who told Alison (you know her – the tall prefect girl) to, like, keep an eye out on Lily and then it doesn't take a genius to work out why!"

"And that Hufflepuff girl saw her leaving the hospital wing! It all fits." There was a satisfied pause.

"Still, I can't believe they were going out…how did they do it without us hearing about it?"

"_And_ breaking up too! Anyway, who gets to tell James?"

"I do of course! He's mine anyway, from the beginning, remember?"

"_What_? No way!"

"Yes way, I found out, and James should know from me because…" Lily never got to find out why because another voice joined there's.

"Know what?"

"Hi, James," The somewhat murderous tones of the girls had become sickeningly sweet.

"Hi…so what is it I should know, girls?" Lily felt a momentary stab of annoyance at the _suave_ and _debonair_ tone to his voice whenever he spoke to the 'girls'…ugh.

"Well…"

"It's about Lily…" _Still_, she thought, as she extricated herself from the window recess, _I should give him a chance…after all, I gave Snape plenty._

"Hi, guys!" She said brightly – Danielle and her crony (a skinny, rather pointed girl) stared aghast at her sudden appearance. James wore his usual expression when he saw her: puppyish adoration.

"Lily…hi…" The suave, debonair tone had been replaced by something akin to breathless reverence. She smiled at him weakly.

"I'm off for a walk – fancy coming?" Where had the conviction gone in her voice? Any other than James would have noticed – she was sure Severus would have..._he notices everything_. She shook her head slightly, as they walked out of the Common room (she heard Danielle begin bickering with her friend as they shut the portrait hole).

And so he started. He spoke incessantly as they walked down the many staircases, through the Entrance Hall and out to the grounds…was there no subject other than Quidditch and himself that was of any interest to him? Apparently not. He seemed to be going through a blow-by-blow account of every match he'd ever played in or out of Hogwarts…anyone listening would have assumed he was the only member of a team against twenty and, once, against a banshee and a troll…

"Let's sit over there, by the lake," she said hastily, in an attempt to avoid commenting about the unlikely event a troll would bother using a broomstick to play a game against a 16 year old – more like batter his overblown head with a broomstick whilst the banshee screeched in laughter…this image satisfied her in a peculiar way.

They melted away the snow on a worn log on the bank of the lake with a handy spell Flitwick had taught them for wintry situations rather than their exams (James blew the tip of his smoking wand and singed his right eyebrow accidentally). Lily took the moment to truly appreciate the beauty of the grounds and the castle in its winter-wonderland state. Few people had braved the cold today, preferring the warmth of the castle, although three friends were noisily conducting a snow ball fight in the distance. She felt very calm, serene in that strange way you do when gazing upon nature. She commented softly on the crispness of the snow, its purity…James looked perplexed and, ignoring her comment, continued his story.

She smiled and nodded at appropriate places, his words washing over her as her mind wandered…was Severus out of the hospital wing? What had caused the past injuries Madam Pomfrey had pointed out…? Did it have something to do with the 'real' arguments he spoke of all those weeks ago, when Slughorn had made him tutor her…?

Those days seemed so far away…days when she wanted so badly to understand him, to gain his trust, his friendship…when the thought she might be sitting next to James Potter in amicable circumstances, discussing Quidditch and Christmas (as she did now) would have been laughable.

But no…she had to forget him – it was the only way.

As if fate had heard her thoughts she glanced over James' shoulder to see a lone figure, watching them, the harsh chill wind blowing their robes and scarf dramatically – a dark figure amongst the white snow, standing at the edge of the Forest, still and silent…something about its sharp angles and how tall he was against the trees made her sure it was Severus. Her heart almost physically ached to see him alone, like that.

James finished his story and was now busily gazing at her face. She looked back at him, with what she feared was a rather weak smile.

"You have the most beautiful eyes…" He said in an uncomfortably soft voice – it was an effort not to snort at this terrible cliché.

"What would Sirius say if he heard you come out with _that_ one-liner?" She grinned - he looked momentarily taken-aback and then grinned back.

"Probably that I was going soft…" he ruffled his hair to hide his blush.

"Aw, well, your eyes are really pwetty too," she said in a mockingly-sweet voice. She laughed – he glanced at her and smiled, again, in a worryingly gentle way. He leaned forwards – until they were only millimetres apart. At what James considered a crucial moment Lily's eyes drifted over his shoulder. James turned to look at what was so fascinating by the forest.

"Ugh, it's Snivellus – I'd hoped whoever got him had done him some permanent damage and he could stay out of our lives for good," James scowled, then froze and quickly looked at Lily, anticipating her anger. To his utter surprise her face clouded only for a moment – and then she just shrugged and stared at the ground. Suddenly she looked up with an evil smile.

"Ah, you're so see-through, James! Always worrying about Snape!" She grinned evilly. "Anyone would think there was a serious homo-erotic strain going on there." James looked momentarily thunderstruck, but softened when he saw her laugh.

"Well, I guess I'll just have to prove to you that's not the case at all…" He said in a low voice – and before she had a chance to respond his mouth collided into hers. She was surprised by his daring…they had barely been sitting there more than ten minutes and he was already kissing her…her eyes open, she looked at Snape over James shoulder – he had visibly stiffened when James had started kissing her. She placed her hand on James' arm, her eyes still on Snape, who turned abruptly and walked quickly towards the castle, his robes billowing about him…

Something within her protested…she shuddered.

"James!" She pushed him away, "What _are_ you doing?"

"K-kissing you…" He went red.

"Yeah, I got that! Geeze, we've only been talking five minutes…"

"B-but…I like you, Lily! You know I do! And – and everyone knows you like me too!"

"_Really_?" Her eyes flashed, "Are you sure that's not just an assumption you made just because _you_ think you're so desirable?"

"No! Of course not!" He seemed genuinely upset. This more than anything calmed her.

"Look," she said in a very different way, "lets just take things a bit slower, yeah? How about talking about something other than Quidditch, or something…" He looked at her blankly.

"Other than…Quidditch?" She sighed.

"Never mind," She got up, "Lets get going to Potions…"

"Listen, Lily!" She turned to face him. "I…next week holidays start…" he looked at her hopefully.

"Yes…?"

"And…I was wondering if…if…you'd come to mine for Christmas."

"Has no one ever told you what 'a bit slower' meant, James?" She immediately regretted saying this; he looked so forlorn – against her will she pitied him. She sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Look…I'll think about it. Come on." She quickly shot off before he could embarrass her further, whilst he ran to keep up behind her.

--

What _was_ this?

Rage?

Anger?

_Jealousy_?

It was like a mutiny against himself – _jealously_? What did he care if that – that – meddling, nosy, _conceited_ girl would lower herself into fraternising with _Potter_? They deserved each other. For all he cared they could be married tomorrow and he'd send his blessings, the wretched couple…

He rushed into Potions ten minutes early, hating everything within sight – from the stained desks to the cheerful fire Slughorn had got going underneath the cauldron at the front of the classroom to demonstrate that day's potion. Slughorn, thankfully, had not yet arrived back from lunch to witness his best pupil's rage – it was a fearsome thing to behold.

He breathed in deeply, slowly, attempting to assuage the feeling everything had – somehow – come apart. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes – welcoming the darkness. He had never felt so much like killing Potter as then. The dungeon door flew open – he turned to see Sirius, Lupin and the simpering Peter Pettigrew walk in.

"…I didn't know it would curl _those_ hairs - that's why I'm never using that hair product again…" Sirius was saying, brushing his hand through his quite perfect hair – he stopped abruptly when he saw Snape sitting, alone in the classroom – he smiled evilly. "Well, well, well…if it isn't slimy little _Snivellus_."

"If it isn't the biggest narcissist Hogwart's has ever had."

They were both on their feet, wands out before anyone had a chance to blink – Snape smiled; relishing the feeling that he could relieve his anger. Some Slytherin students walked in; their faces lightened with what they saw as entertainment.

"Narcissist, am I?" Sirius' eyes flashed malevolently.

"Yes – surely even _you_ know the definition…" The Slytherin students laughed raucously.

"Don't try and be smart with me, Snape!" He barked – they circled the small space between the desks and cauldrons. Lupin seemed disapproving, but remained silent. Peter looked on in awe.

"Unlike you, I do not need to '_try_ and be smart' – it's something you're born with – well, not you, _obviously_…"

"_STUP-_!"

"_EXPELLIARMUS_!" Snape caught Sirius' wand from the air. Sirius looked livid.

"What's going on?" Lily, closely followed by James entered the room. Sirius took this moment to lunge at Snape, snatching at his wand. Snape hit him with a quick body-binding spell. James had already drawn his wand, "James, _no_ – why must you _always_ get involved?" She held her hand out – Severus noticed the softened look he bestowed upon her and began raising his wand – as if she could read his mind, Lily jumped before him.

"_What are you doing_?"

"Attempting to hex Potter, _obviously_!" A gaggle of more surprised Gryffindor students entered the classroom, quite stunned that the two quietest students the year had were shouting like this.

"Lily, stay out of this," James, _attempting to play the hero_ (Severus' scowl deepened) strode over only to be brushed away by Lily who was inches from Severus' face.

"Piss _off_, James – this is between me and _him_."

"Don't flatter yourself, Evans," his eyes hardened, "this could be between every single person in this class and still I'd…"

"You _disgust_ me! I defended you that day – and now you…" Severus' face turned the colour of puce.

"I CAN DEFEND MYSELF! You think I need a whiny, selfish, conceited glorified Muggle fight my battles…!?" He shouted savagely.

"_Evans_! _Snape_!" Slughorn had appeared at the door, his usually pompous manner somewhat belated as he watched his two favourite (and best) students shout at each other. Everyone turned, surprised, except Lily and Severus who continued staring at each other angrily. "That's quite enough! My goodness!" he bustled between them, "How Dumbledore knew of this I don't know…"

"Dumbledore?" Severus and Lily said in unison, turning to him.

"Yes, Dumbledore!" Slughorn snapped irritably, annoyed only the headmaster name attracted their attention, not his entrance, "he requested both of you go to his office at once. Both of you will return here after lesson to catch up – especially you, Snape, you've missed a lesson already last week!"

"But, Professor, Lily didn't do anything!" James seemed more upset that they were leaving together rather than the fact they were being summoned by the headmaster, "Only Snape should go…"

But both Lily and Severus left, pushing past their peers, too angry to note their stunned faces – and some people's mutterings…

"…lovers tiff, I suppose…"

"…called her Mudblood…"

"…they're going out really, all for show…"

"…they say she's in love, ha ha…"

"…hate more like…"

The door slammed behind them. They walked up the stairs in silence. Both felt as if something, or someone, was following them – yet every time they turned it was to empty corridors – and every time they realised the other was checking they scowled.

--

They left Dumbledore's office as quietly as they had entered; the Headmaster only wanted to further question them about Snape's attack.

Lily was honest – Severus was not. He did not mean the Headmaster's piercing gaze as he refused to name his attacker. To his surprise Dumbledore let it drop and allowed them to leave, unnerving them both as they left…they both felt his eyes on their back.

Outside the Stone Gargoyle they stopped walking and stood in the dim light of the corridor, both immersed in their own thoughts.

"You lied…and he knows it." Lily said abruptly, turning to him.

"What do you know, Evans?" He scowled at her, but her mouth was resolute.

"I know that you're lying. I know…"

"Who cares what you think? I don't…"

"What are you protecting? Who?" She stepped forwards and he visibly flinched. "Is it one of the Slytherin? Is it…Johansen?" He gazed at her – momentarily his mind seemed to jam, his heart beating so loudly he was sure she could hear it.

"You know…" He said softly, "You know I've never cared about them – any of them. I'm not protecting any…Slytherin." He paused, and looked almost thoughtful…again his eyes drifted to her face. He'd fooled himself, somehow, into thinking her only charm was her – _acceptable_ – face, her – _tolerable_ - hair…but it was her eyes, perfectly almond-shaped, the hues and colours ranging from deep forest green, to the lightest, brightest spring-mint, which hypnotised him into silence.

He remembered the night of his attack – and remembered how her eyes bore a similar expression…it pleaded with him, demanding answers, demanding acknowledgment…acceptance.

"Why were you following me…?" He heard her ask, but he wasn't truly listening, "When I walked outside…you were following me, weren't you?"

With a pain he couldn't understand he wrenched his gaze away and quickly brought himself to his senses; this girl had been kissing Potter. She had every right to. She was _his_, and yet…and yet she wasn't. She couldn't be. How could she be his when she gazed upon him with that...with those expectant, ever-changing eyes?

"Severus…tell me." And there – she had shattered it. Because even if she was _Potter's girl_ he had to protect her from Johansen. He had to. He had promised himself that, at least.

And, although you could accuse him of so many things, you could never accuse Severus Snape of breaking a promise.

--

She just didn't understand it – there he stood before her, an obvious internal struggle waging away…she just didn't get it. Was this her Gryffindor unsubtly again or…something more?

She watched his face – and, not for the first time, she felt a surge of emotion – the planes, the shadows…the mystery. Suddenly, his lips pressed together. He seemed decided about something. Without another glance he turned and left her, seemingly deep in his own thoughts.

"Wait!" But he had already turned the corner. She considered chasing after him but then remembered she had _decided to give up on him. _She shook her head, angry with her own weakness – but then immediately realised something was wrong.

Someone was behind her, breathing heavily.

She didn't dare to turn, she stood stock still. And then began walking, walking quickly ahead, hoping to find another student, better yet a teacher – but everyone was still in lessons…she turned the corner Snape had and it was empty – footsteps followed her – faster and faster…

She turned, only to witness a flash of bright red light – then darkness engulfed her.

--

**A/N:** Probably only going to have 1 or 2 more chapters as I'm going away for a month and a half (on Monday!) and I realised how evil it is to disappear and come back on and pretend nothing happened. I'm hoping this won't be my last SL piece (I've had a lot of fun writing this!). Hope you will be waiting on tenterhooks R&R!


	8. Found

**Found**

**Author's Notes:** I rewrote it! I wasn't happy with it myself…and I'm still not, but I'm getting bored! I really want to get to the next chapter (I've been looking forward to it for ages!!!) so if this is bad quality…poo.

Please R&R.

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Lily opened her eyes and lay quite still – the pain hit her suddenly. Everything ached, especially her head…she tried to lift her hands to her face…she couldn't move. She blinked hard, her eyes becoming accustomed to the darkness…

A large dungeon stretched out before her, with large pillars supporting the ceiling and an awful smell emanating from a cauldron a few metres away from where she lay. An eyrie green glow hung about the place.

She shifted a little and saw a figure bent over the cauldron, muttering and poking their wand in the spitting liquid. She shifted again, trying to get a better look…the figure stiffened.

"You!?" Lily tried to back away but found herself bound to the floor – Johansen smiled coldly.

"Me," He said almost benignly, "you. Why, it's us, if you really consider it…"

"What…I…but you…_why_?" she clenched her teeth as another wave of pain hit her.

"Why what? Why are you here do you mean?" He waved his hand and again Lily observed the dungeon – she hadn't known such a place existed in Hogwarts – it had the indefinite glow of evil, a certain kind of darkness hung about the place; it was a terrifying place. The sheer age of the room, the seemingly unending stone columns, the hard, earthy smelling ground she was bound to – and him. She looked about once more and realised there were no visible doors.

And he – he was staring into her, with obvious amusement.

"The only door is up," He pointed upwards – she couldn't see the ceiling. "And you seem to have misplaced your wand! What a shame! But still," his hollow eyes, his hollow smile sent chills through her, "Lets look at the bright side, shall we? We can get better acquainted, maybe even…" 

"Johansen! What is this even about?" She felt her eyes widen, memories of Sian, of school gossip, of Severus whispering his innocence in that empty classroom. "Sian…it was you."

"What do you mean it was _me_?" He seemed genuinely annoyed by this, "She was asking for it!" He breathed in deeply, "I know you're not like her. Now if you're nice to me – I'll be nice to you…?" He raised his wand pointedly.

"How could you be so disgusting!? No girl asks for it! You are just sick…" Lily couldn't put her horror in words – she felt so angry she could barely breathe.

"Disgusting…? Sick…?" She felt bravery seep away at the sight of his eyes – slits of malice.

_How can this be happening?_ She desperately fought to get up – but couldn't. "Look, just let me go and I won't tell anyone! Please, just let me go…"

"Tut tut, Evans. You already had a chance to get out of this…" Johansen grinned manically, as if remembering a good joke. "But your slimy little admirer had to mess things up for you."

"What do you mean?" Fear made the hair on the back of her neck prickle uncomfortably.

"Snape," Johansen scowled, "Dobbed me in. Not a clever move. Not clever at all. I did try to warn him - placing that false memory in Sian's head so everyone suspected Snape…genius, if I do say so myself. But no," he smiled ironically, "He just wouldn't listen – even after I…_persuaded_ him."

"You beat him up?" Lily spat at him, feeling anger flare up in her, "_Subtle_, real _subtle_. You make me sick…so weak! What kind of sick, twisted ideas do you…" With a flick of his wand her voice disappeared. She felt tears come to her eyes – this was how it was going to end – she couldn't even scream her protest.

"That's enough, Lily," Johansen's eyes hardened. "I liked you – I really did. But, you were always so…_unattainable_. A Gryffindor and a Slytherin…" He laughed mirthlessly. "But anyway, it will all turn out well in the end. I will have you, implant a memory of dear Snape in my place…and no ones the wiser. Brilliant. What was that, Lily?" He smiled coldly, watching her mouth something, tears silently falling down her face, "Cat caught you tongue?" He flicked his wand again and she felt her throat loosen slightly.

"The flaw to your plan is that I'll never believe Severus did anything to me. Never. Even if…" She immediately saw she had made a mistake – his face darkened, his cold, greyish eyes seemed to visibly blacken.

"Oh, how _endearing_…So you don't mind being taken by dear, sweet _Severus_ but I won't do? Is that it Lily? Is that it?"

"I…please just…_listen_. I was there with Snape when Dumbledore spoke to us; he didn't even mention your name! Please…" She drew in breath and yet he ignored her – she had provoked him.

"I don't quite believe you…and, you know, I was going to be gentle…but what's the use of being a gentleman when we're dealing with yet another ugly, _little_ liar?" He pocketed his wand and stood over her, his eyes manically, hungrily taking her in. He paused – seemed to consider something. "But perhaps things can be more interesting…" He took his wand out again and she felt her body loosen – she was free.

She didn't move and watched him watch her – their eyes met and yet she saw pure, animalistic instinct – nothing else. She knew it would be futile to talk.

She scrambled away, her legs shaking violently. She went for the nearest pillar – her head pounding she could barely see straight – she heard the sickening sound of Johansen's laughter.

"Pathetic," His voice was close – too close. She turned to face him – he was already behind her – unthinkingly she punched – he easily knocked her away, to the ground. She scrabbled away, searching hopelessly for the door – running between pillars…

But he was behind her, watching her struggle, watching her panic, watching tears run down her face…

No.

She wouldn't give in like _this_.

She turned and stared into his cold, manic eyes – surprise momentarily flashed through them – she stuck her fingers into his face – into those terrible eyes.

He screamed in agony.

She kicked him – adrenaline finally taking action – she ran, searching helplessly for the door…

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Lily threw herself to the ground and felt the swoosh of a spell that had missed by millimetres. She rolled behind a pillar. "There's no where to hide now, _Lily_."

"You're so bloody original, you know that?" Lily cried out, trying to sound brave – her voice trembled. "Let me guess what your life goal is, um, rule the world as an evil, ugly dictator?"

"I wouldn't be so rude if I was in your situation," Lily looked up and Johansen towered over her – wand in hand. "See this, Lily, is where it ends. I've been training the imperious curse and I have all sorts of interesting things in mind to do with you…" Suddenly his body froze, his face slackened…he keeled over, his wand clattering on the stone floor.

Lily stared at the motionless body and looked up.

It was Severus.

She felt relief wash over her and a brief smile crossed her face…she stood up shakily and walked towards him…

…suddenly she didn't have the strength to go on – she felt pain in her kneecaps as they collided to the floor – and then darkness once more.

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Severus had never felt such terrible rage in his life. He couldn't believe he had been so stupid as to not ensure her safety – he had trusted Dumbledore. It had been a mistake.

That day he had admittedly been following Lily and James near the Forbidden Forest and he had indeed stormed off in a rage; but just before he marched straight to the castle he had spotted Johansen skulking in the distance – he had registered it as strange and then dismissed it, even when Johansen disappeared into the darkness of the Forest, an act which any student would be expelled for.

He had argued with Lily – he had walked away from her, even though he had promised himself that her protection was paramount. It took him all of five minutes to realise that Sian's attack had been in the forest – that he had just seen Johansen enter the forest – and that he had just left Lily alone.

He ran back to the Headmaster's office and explained his suspicions as quickly as he could. It seemed to take an age until Dumbledore was somewhat convinced, and McGonagall had been summoned only to verify Lily hadn't been seen…

"…for half an hour. Perhaps she took a walk on the grounds, Dumbledore – there really is no need to worry. I hardly see why I was summoned away from my class for _this_." Half an hour…Snape stared at her.

"Professor Slughorn told us to return when we were done…" Snape looked past the Headmaster and saw the forest through the gothic windows, its trees blowing wildly – the snow glittering in the weak, winter sun.

"…most students do not return when asked – I see _you_ did not…"

"I know her! She would have returned! Now, if you will not help me I will go myself – it of little difference to me! I see I was wrong to rely on regulation!" His eyes bore into the teachers, the intensity that radiated from him seemed to make the very air crackle. He swept out of the office.

And so he had reached the edge of the grounds – the Forbidden Forest seemed unnaturally quiet. He looked about him - and there it was…a trail of footprints in the otherwise untouched snow. Hit stomach tightened. He followed them as far as he could and yet they abruptly ended only a few feet into the trees. It made no sense…there was still snow here and yet no footprints – Johansen couldn't have just vanished into thin air…

He looked up at the canopy…and then he looked down. The ground had been disturbed. He dusted away the leaves and saw the thin outline of a trap door. He found the ring for it – it wouldn't open.

"_Alohomora_." It yielded…he heard shouting – screaming below…he saw some small steps where old broomsticks were leaning against the wall and then a great room below, so large and dark he could not see the bottom.

He grabbed a broom nervously (he was by no means a great flyer) and strained his eyesight to see what was happening below…

He heard Lily cry out.

He thought of nothing else as he mounted the broom and swooped down, as silently as he could. There was little drama in the matter after that. He landed quite gracefully, saw Johansen cornering Lily – his wand was already out – he stunned Johansen.

He finally felt like he could breathe again.

And Lily…Lily had moved towards him with a most breathtaking smile. She had teetered as if she would fall and yet he caught her as her knees contacted the ground – she was unconscious.

He felt an almost unending calm as he held her in his arms, listening to the silence of the great, strange hall. He knew that she was safe, with him and that he would never, ever let her go…

He calmly flew upwards with her in his arms to the castle. Having deposited her with Madam Pomfrey (ignoring her alarmed questions), he headed straight to Dumbledore's office… anger seemed to be the only panacea to his guilt.

But he controlled himself as he conducted a precise explanation of the events that had taken place to Dumbledore; he was gratified to see the headmaster's expression of anger and contrition. Dumbledore listened in silence and then immediately exited.

And then the strange clarity of anger subsided.

He paced the Headmasters office agitatedly, thoughts tumbling through his mind - this was all his fault – he should kept following her – he should have protected her better…He had endangered her life! What if he had arrived a second later? Or listened to Dumbledore and waited longer? Anything could have happened…he shuddered.

He heard the door open quietly and there stood the elderly headmaster, looking calm.

"Severus…"

"Professor! Tell me he's locked away for good! For his safety more than anything," He scowled, "I will not be accountable for my actions if I see him."

"Quite understandable," Dumbledore walked behind his desk and sat on his chair. "I must ask you for an apology...in fact, we have much to discuss. But I hear a certain young lady has woken in the hospital wing…"

Severus was already out of the door.

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Lily was staring at the ceiling, thinking about not thinking. She turned from side to side, wishing sleep would take over – was what she went through even real…?

"You blame me, don't you?" Lily jumped. Severus was leaning against the doorframe, his face hidden in shadows.

"If you mean I blame you for scaring the shit out of me just now, then yeah."

"Don't joke about this – I'm being serious."

"No…I don't blame you…" Lily looked curiously at him, "Come sit, I could do with some company." After a moments thought Severus walked over, his eyes determinedly staring at the floor. They stayed silent. Finally, Lily made a stab at conversation, "Trust you to make this all about you, huh? Not even a 'how are you'?"

"I already interrogated Madam Pomfrey," Lily felt herself blush. "But if you insist…how are you?"

"I'm good thanks," Severus' eyebrows rose disbelievingly. "Well…okay. Honestly, I…I don't know. I'm being treated for shock, but I don't feel like that's it…I feel…violated. _Tainted_, somehow." Severus remained silent, "And you…you're not even looking at me…I feel like that proves I'm…" She let her words run to nothing.

She felt tears swell up under her eyelids and ashamedly turned to the wall.

"Severus…I was so scared," She said in a small voice. "And if you hadn't had come when you did…then…then…"

To her utter surprise she felt a hand – his hand – touch her shoulder softly. She turned slowly to face him, tear tracks barely visible in the dim light.

"When Dumbledore's done with Johansen," He said gently, his eyes the softest she'd ever seen them, gazing directly into hers, "I am going to crucify him – I am going to make him suffer slowly, gradually, until every nerve fibre on his body has felt pain and then, and only then, I will kill him." He smiled at her mildly, "I hear muggles have good ways of doing such things."

"Severus!" She choked out, "Its at times like this I really see the Slytherin in you."

"I wouldn't say that was really a Slytherin course of action." She sat up and gave him a sly smile.

"I suppose you're right – more like get someone else to do it for you to look blameless."

"Amazing how you've got us worked all out," He smiled crookedly.

She was suddenly lost for words. She bent forwards, hiding her face behind a curtain of hair - she had never felt quite so self-conscious.

She felt cool fingertips brush against her cheek – but he retracted them quickly.

"I'm sorry." He looked down once more.

"You don't have to apologise…"

"I do – for not…for not protecting…"

"Look, really," She sat on her knees and firmly took his hands into her own, "I don't want any apologies…I just want to forget."

He looked up at her and smiled, brushing the tops of her hand with his thumbs. They stayed silent for a long time – shyly meeting each other gaze and then looking away…Severus let go of her hands and stood up, blushing lightly.

"Are you…are you going home this Christmas?" She could tell this took a lot of effort to ask.

"I don't know – on the one hand I really want to see my parents, on the other I feel…safe here…with…with you." She had never felt so embarrassed, but she knew she had to say something to this effect.

"I didn't say I was staying at Hogwarts." He said coolly.

"You can be such a bastard sometimes, do you know that?" She said, annoyed, "You always stay for holidays here."

"Perhaps this year is different…"

"Look, okay, _fine_ – I _assumed_ you were staying. Oh forget it…" She let out an exasperated sigh, her pride very much prickled. They were silent once more.

"I am staying this year, if you did want to know…" 

"Bloody hell!"

"Is this my cue to leave?"

"YES!" He chuckled – he actually chuckled – and withdrew.

Lily felt her violent blush recede and her breathing return to normal…she lay back down and felt a true smile relax her features…she imagined hours, days, with no one around in the castle, just her and Severus…

And so she slept.


	9. The Green Sweater

Chapter 10: The Green Sweater

Lily had never felt so relieved to be in the Hospital Wing as she did on the final day of term; she heard hoards of people stampede about, shouting and screaming in excitement – one more day of lessons and then the next they would be with their families…it was a heart-warming thought. It was also a relief to lie in this warm bed, motionless, listening to all the activity so far away.

The only prickle of annoyance was that Severus hadn't visited her that morning…

It was not as though she had wanted him to come – he was probably very busy with lessons, the last day was always a homework fest – but she had just…_expected_ him to turn up.

"Lily," She turned her delighted eyes to her visitor…it was James.

"James," she swallowed, "What a surprise…" It really was a surprise. She had told Madam Pomfrey not to allow any visitors except Severus.

"Yeah – old Pomfrey's getting a bit strict lately – Lupin is distracting her."

"How is he distracting…? Oh, never mind – why are you here?" He seemed scandalised by her question.

"To see how you are of course!"

"Of course," she repeated weakly.

"And – to see if you were well enough to come with me." Excitement oozed out of his every feature.

"Come with you…where?" She stared at him dumbly. This obviously burst his bubble.

"To my house…" she stared back at him blankly, "…for Christmas…remember?"

"Oh, yes…"

"And don't worry! I have it all sorted out – Pomfrey wont mind – I'll just speak to Dumbledore, convince him you'll get rest and relaxation," he winked, "at mine this holiday! Great, right?" 

"Right…James," His expression of joy faltered at her tone. "Listen. I need to rest and, frankly, don't you think it's a bit inconsiderate to ask me to go to your house when I'm not even up to going home for Christmas?"

"She does have a point, mate," Sirius strode into the ward, looking supremely bored, "Come on, one more lesson and we're free! We're going to be late." James looked at him and then back at Lily, his expression morose.

"I didn't think…I just thought…"

"Its ok, really," Lily said hastily, "Just – you have a good holiday and...say hi to your parents from me." She could see him lean forwards – yet determinedly stared at the ceiling.

"These are for you," James placed a card and a single red rose on the mattress beside her. He glanced at her coolly and left without a backwards glance.

Sirius approached her with his usual cool grin.

"You've just hurt a man's pride you wicked wench."

"Yeah well…" She sighed, "How are you and Lupin doing by the way?" Sirius' face went pale. "Its ok, I haven't told anyone.

"I know…" he relaxed a little, "But its still hard to think that it's 'you and Lupin'…it's a strange thought…strange to think someone knows about it."

"Not nice?"

"Actually," he smiled a little, "Its ok."

"Sirius – forbidden emotion – it only exists to be broken. You know that right?" Sirius' face suddenly became alert.

"Within limits," He said quietly, watching her, "How is Snape by the way?" She tried to fight down her blush.

"I'm not sure – haven't seen him for ages." She stared back at him defiantly. He nodded slowly.

"Yes. Okay. Although, you should know, weird rumours are going around – about you and him. I've tried to play them down – tried to stick a few werewolves and yetis to make it less plausible – but I can't keep doing that forever." They stared at each other – something passed between them, "What I'm trying to say is…be careful, yeah?"

"You too," She said, still defiant – the stared at each other in silent understanding – and then he walked towards the door to leave.

"Oh yeah," he turned, "Forgot to ask you: how are you?"

"I'm…good. Really good."

"That's good to hear." And, although he was already walking away, she somehow knew he was smiling.

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Severus felt guilty for not seeing her all day – but he had to be cautious. Nobody knew what really happened with Johansen; only that he'd been removed, Lily was in the hospital wing and Severus Snape was somehow involved…as Lily was in the hospital wing and Johansen unavailable for comment, it was Severus who had to bear the brunt of it. Rumours followed wherever he walked. He couldn't seem to avoid curious – often hostile – eyes; they packed together, and spoke just loud enough for him to hear…

It had been for this reason he'd been excused from attending the end of term feast; he knew even after an explanation from the headmaster the gossipmongers would have the final word.

So he lay in bed and ignored the Slytherins, who ignored him - tainted object…

He lay in bed and dreamt of the whole week where it would just be Lily and him in a practically empty castle…he let a smile grace his lips. Had he ever felt this…happy? The whole castle hated him, including his own Housemates who classed him as a traitor, and yet had he ever felt so completely, calmly happy?

It was dangerous to be this uncaring. He knew that. But he…cared for Lily. He cared for someone other than himself, for once…and, although it scared him shitless, it felt good – better than good…

He sighed.

It was most unlike him to…_let go_, like this, true…but at every thought of her warm hands, as they reached for his in that dark, silent hospital ward – and her soft, brave admittance that she wanted to be with him that Christmas…it sent shivers through him and he just wanted to think of her – to be with her – even if, perhaps, a small part of him still thought she could turn around at any second and say it was all a Gryffindor ploy – a joke, with Potter somehow involved.

He opened his eyes remembering bitterly how she had accepted Potter's kiss. So, even she felt safe with him, it was probably only because he had saved her from Johansen. He found it funny in a sad way…that he could finally say to himself he…cared for her, only to find her think of him as a friend. He felt it was ironic, somehow.

And when the term started again it would not be her that would be taunted, maligned, ridiculed – it would be him. He would bear it, of course – his secret victory being his noble act of protection…but how much sweeter would that secret victory be if she…cared for him, the way he cared for her. He could stare into the eyes of the prejudiced ignorant and think – as he was cursed, hexed and abused – that Lily would be on his side, soft and thoughtful and kind…

And that could never be. Her presence, her very being, belonged to another…and they had kissed – a meeting of the souls (he'd read that once) was what a true kiss was – two willing souls interacting in its purest form…and that honour would be bestowed on another. Lily – her flashing green eyes, her soft smile and sharp expression…all to another.

So, perhaps, you can forgive Severus Snape as he finally nodded off to sleep…forgive him, as he could never forgive himself, for that solitary tear of self-pity, the first in many, many years.

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It was so cold out Lily felt her nose pinken almost as soon as they stepped outside. She had wrapped up warm, but nothing had quite prepared how cold it was - and how perfect the snow was…

"It's so beautiful!" She cried out, running and then jumping and then running, feeling so young and so alive…

(Severus smiled – she looked so innocent.)

Realising Severus wasn't the running type she ran back to him – and didn't stop. She grinned at his exasperated face as she sat on top of him – she had jumped him and he – surprised – had fallen in spectacular style into a healthy mound of snow.

"You alright down there?"

"Yes…I just never realised you were so heavy." He mock-coughed. She pouted. He smiled a little and she smiled back…it was an odd moment. Lily was sure he was thinking what she was thinking; they could never do this if anyone else was around.

"The feast tomorrow will be good, right? I've never been to the one for Christmas at the castle…"

"It's always very comforting – like how a home should feel, only with tipsy teachers and rather sad looking students milling about the place…" She looked at him closely when he said this and he looked back. She blushed and rolled off him.

It had been several days since everyone had left for the holidays. Madam Pomfrey had been most insistent that Lily rest – and she had probably been right. Lily had felt most tired (in an explicable, completely unphysical way) after her attack. Severus visited daily – he never brought her flowers…he brought her books, books that fascinated her endlessly about branches of magic she had only ever dreamed about…he smuggled in Honeyduke's chocolate and even managed to procure some muggle sweets (in an attempt, she supposed, to make her feel more at home)…and he had done all this in the half-embarrassed, half-insolent manner of a somewhat petulant child.

However, after a few days where she would walk about with him in the castle, and sit in the library, chattering freely – teasing him mercilessly – he became slightly less petulant, less resistant. He spoke thoughtfully, seriously and sometimes lightened her with the softest smiles…it was at moments like this she would stay silent and watch him. Watch the shadows of his face brighten, his eyes lose some of their pain. When no one was around he was so…gentle. It was almost heartbreaking…and yet a secret part of her was thrilled it was her – and only her – that could see the true Severus Snape.

Although she could not over-romanticise the matter; he could sometimes be very sharp. Rude, in fact. Downright rude. Sometimes he made her feel so inadequate, and often so completely angry she could kill – and yet, she couldn't imagine him any differently…Severus without the sarcasm would be something like soup without salt. Or a sugarless dessert.

Today, however, with the perfect glistening snow beneath them, and the weak winter sun above them, he seemed peaceful enough. And so they lay in the snow, speaking lightly of what usually occurred at Christmas time for them…Severus smiled at her as she retold the stupid things her family would get up to…Uncle Rod getting too drunk and falling asleep in the punch bowl, Auntie Cass bursting into tears because of the overdone turkey, Lily's mother comforting her, Lily's dad trying (in vain) to entertain the various spoilt cousins she had with a party hat and some very old poppers, her grandparents watching the chaos, her grandmother tutting, her grandfather smiling, perhaps feeling it was all worth it to sit beside the (un-magical) Christmas tree and watch how his family had grown…

"And there's no magic?" Severus asked softly, watching Lily carefully, "None?"

"Not a bit," She said a little too cheerily.

"Doesn't that get…frustrating?" She was about to reply fiercely in the negative, but saw his calm, curious face watching her with eyes that hinted at concern.

"Well…sometimes I…this is going to sound silly, but sometimes I feel like magic – Hogwarts – is not really…they block it out. It's not real – not for them, anyway. I think they do it for Petunia – blocking it out like that…but sometimes…sometimes I wish I could be myself. I feel like a huge part of me is missing when I'm with them. I don't feel like _me_." As soon as she said it she knew it was true, and yet felt she had somehow betrayed them, "They never say mean things or…"

"It's ok. I understand…" And Severus didn't push anymore. It meant so much to her, his silence, his acceptance…

"What about you?" She asked suddenly, "What's Christmas like in a traditional wizarding family?" She immediately knew she'd passed some treacherous ground – his face darkened, his eyes seemed rich with untold pain. After what felt like an eternity of silence:

"I wouldn't go as far to call what I have a 'family'." Despite seeing him so sad she felt a burning curiosity…and yet she couldn't delve further without hurting him – so she said nothing. "It's safe to say," He said suddenly, "that I don't feel like I'm myself with them either."

"Fair enough – we'll both be outcastes waging a war against the norms." She smiled at him, watching him relax.

"Ugh, don't give me all that teenage anarchic shit."

"Hey! Excuse _me_, but _you're_ the one who wouldn't be seen dead in any other colour but black like you're some quasi-existentialist!"

"Well, _I'm_ not the one pretending to know what existentialism means!"

"It's a fun word!"

And they looked at each other and grinned.

"Although I do have a rather fetching green sweater somewhere…" 

"You're _kidding_ me?"

"I kid you not."

"Prove it – wear it at the feast."

"Suspicious creature, aren't we?" The tone of the conversation had changed, subtly, once more – he was observing her with searching, thoughtful eyes. "It's a good trait to have. Especially with guys you don't know too well." This did not bode well.

"You mean – like – Johansen?" This was a feeble attempt to bypass what he was really talking about - she knew he didn't mean Johansen at all.

"That's not what I meant – after all you were forced into that situation," a certain coolness lay behind his words, "Can I ask you something?" He didn't wait for a reply, "Are you – _suspicious_ – of your fellow Gryffindors?" She felt her face, which had been full of merriment a moment ago, flush. "Of Potter…?"

"I…I better get back. I need to get ready for tomorrow and, um…yeah," She waved awkwardly and walked away, leaving him by the lake, alone, silent. He did not attempt to follow her, and she never asked him why he let her walk away.

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It was just as he had described; it _was_ like home.

Only stranger. Everyone she had always associated with work and tedium and authority were cheery and rosy-cheeked. Even Professor McGonagall seemed to have drunk a little too much. Dumbledore had been called away on Ministry business (and Lily was somewhat relieved; he would only serve as another reminder of her attack). Only seven students had remained that year, all intent in keeping their heads low – two Ravenclaw, three Slytherin and her and Severus. They all sat mutedly at the single table that had been placed in the middle of the hall.

On a more material level it was also more spectacular; the huge Christmas tree was alive with real fairies (and some "masquerading doxies" she'd heard Filch complain angrily) and baubles that shone with unnatural light and changed colour in unison (the tree when from blue to gold to red to florid pink…). Berries, oranges and other festive fruits were strewn artistically about the place; tinsel, glitter and incredibly low lighting completed the Great Hall's festive feel.

A wood nymph began serenading them (with a violin accompaniment by a surprisingly apt Professor Flitwick) as the food began appearing before them – the table heaved with traditional roast turkeys, potatoes, gravies, cranberry sauces…Lily's mouth watered and yet she was distracted…

Where was Severus?

The teachers and other students began eating (Prfessor McGonagall's speech had comprised of two words, "Merry Christmas" which got a loud round of applause – she had never been fond of long speeches and the present company were very hungry) and with food came a sort of companionship – the thin Ravenclaw girl next to Lily asked her shyly to pass the ketchup, and then proceeded to complain about her Hufflepuff boyfriend who simply _couldn't_ understand why reading and expanding the mind was important.

"…and I just don't know what to do!" Said the Ravenclaw girl tearfully, "Perhaps everyone is right about inter-house relationships being impossible…"

Lily felt someone sit beside her, their body softly brushing hers.

"Perhaps you should take more interest in him rather than your own conceited pursuits," It was Severus. The girl looked suitably scandalised and ignored both Lily and Severus for the rest of the meal.

"Sev…" She could say no more. He looked totally and utterly…beautiful. Or, handsome…he had kept his promise and wore the bottle-green sweater, beneath it a white shirt and what looked suspiciously like…jeans. He was holding a leather jacket.

"Lily."

"You look…"

"Don't say anything," He said, boredly flicking a pea towards a nearby flying object (most likely a fairy). "Please. I'm in no mood for all…this." He waved his hand about and then glanced over to her; he had to look again. "Lily…"

"Yes, Severus?" She said knowingly.

"You're wearing a…dress." It was a sleeveless, knee-length, white affair. She had her hair up, and a thin, gauzy gold shawl wrapped around her bare shoulders.

"Well-spotted – and you're not wearing black. Guess who wins." He scowled at her.

"Hurry up, will you? I want to get out of here quickly," She saw him glance at the Slytherins at the other end of the table who were looking at them both menacingly. He did not touch his food and as soon as she had finished he quietly told her to follow him after exactly five minutes.

She was slightly alarmed by his behaviour, but waited for five minutes obediently (she wished Severus had waited a little longer – the wood nymph tried to snog Flitwick who shrieked in a ladylike way to be "released at once!") and crept out of the hall as inconspicuously as possible.

He was in the Entrance Hall, still looking edgy (and breathtakingly handsome).

"Let's go for a walk," It was a demand.

It was freezing outside – the kind of cold that penetrated into your very being. Lily tried hard not to shiver, but almost immediately felt her lips turn blue…Severus handed her his coat without looking at her with the words, "it has a heating spell."

It certainly did – as soon as she donned the leather jacket she felt warmth radiate from it…and it smelt familiar, as old, leather jackets should do. She shot him a look of gratitude and happily skipped in the moonlight, talking about Clair de Lune, about the wizards in Albania, about flowers on the moon…

She could see he was distracted, and soon she stopped talking and fell in step with him; they walked in silence until they reached the lake. They stood side-by-side, gazing across the grounds; bathed in the silvery moonlight everything looked serene, yet deeply, irrecoverably magical. Silent, they watched the glass-like surface of the Lake, the shadows of the forest...

"It was here I saw you...kissing..." he closed his eyes as if trying to block out the memory, frowning slightly, a faint blush tinting his face visible even in the moonlight. "Kissing...him."

She had no response to this. She tried hard not to look up at the spot ahead where she had, indeed, kissed James. She turned away - did the remorse show in her face? She could hardly apologise...it wasn't a crime...and yet...she knew it was wrong. She didn't belong to James, _the way I belong to you, Severus,_ she thought to herself, promising to tell him some day, when things were less fresh in their minds.

Would this explain why he was acting so strangely tonight? Was that stupid, conniving act the reason he could barely look at her now? How trivial it had seemed at the time; her lips had collided with James' and she had watched Severus walk away…perhaps he felt disgusted. Perhaps he knew she had only allowed the kiss because she wanted to pique his jealously.

He still had not given her a single glance. Yet how could she refute what he had seen before his very eyes? How could she lie?

She could bare it no longer.

Without looking she sought his hand - he seemed almost expectant of this. He didn't react at all when she took it; long, tapered fingers - cool, still. She held it almost defiantly, waiting for him to throw it away from him, or give her a disgusted look.

Nothing.

She chanced a look at him from the corner of her eye...he looked quite as if nothing was happening to any part of his body; this annoyed her - she was risking her pride, in a way she never had done before - she was risking more than that...her heart. He continued gazing coolly out across the grounds.

"You look hilarious when you're angry, you know," He said abruptly, almost coldly, with the strangest smile she had ever seen him have. His fingers quite suddenly intertwined with hers - she felt her heart beat harder... she had the briefest thought that this was the most thrilling moment she'd had in her life; and only a few days ago the boy considered the most handsome in Hogwarts (well, after Sirius) had kissed her...she wanted so much to say this but couldn't bare the reaction Severus would give her; probably a bit too satisfied, even for him.

"You look hilarious all the time, so I guess we're even," She responded as nonchalantly as she could, pressing his hand softly - she felt him return the pressure. Slowly she edged towards him, until she felt him completely against her side.

Suddenly he dragged her towards him - his other hand around her shoulder, in an awkward hug. She let go of his other hand in surprise and this was immediately wrapped around her waist. He pressed her so tightly against his body breathing was an effort - but then she realised she'd just stopped breathing. She wrapped her arms around him and tried to convey how completely she felt for him - how could the word 'love' describe the diatribe and profundity of these emotions?

She wanted him.

She had longed for him for so long...

She needed him.

And she…she loved him.

Loved, loved...loved him so completely she felt her throat catch - tears well up in her eyes.

"I don't want to lose you," She said - her voice muffled in his shoulder. He drew away slightly, enough to look deeply into her eyes, his curtain of black hair enclosing them both.

"You need to know that I'm not...James," He said this low, urgent. "I'm not all laughs and...and Quidditch and..." he looked away and began drawing away.

"I love you." She blurted out. She felt herself colour and looked at his face, even though she feared what she would find - perhaps derision...perhaps a platonic expression of warmth...perhaps rejection? She felt such fear course though her she shivered.

But no... He looked stunned. Almost as stunned as she felt at having admitted what she had, she now realised, always knew was true. She waited for the consequences...most of the boys she knew would have ran in the opposite direction - love meant commitment. Love meant stretches of time in comfortable silence. Love meant sharing responsibilities and…and...

"Me...?" Something clouded his expression - it looked a little like disbelief, a lot like confusion. "But I'm not...I'm nothing like..."

But she didn't find out what he wasn't, and never did (though she later suspected that he was 'nothing like James' – which was something she was very happy about) because she had had enough. She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him towards her - she kissed him fervently, holding him, hoping everything she felt would somehow be transferred like this...

No response.

She moved away; he looked stunned.

"Geeze, I just kissed you, it's not like I just cast a Stupefy spell or something, is it?" She snapped, letting go. He blinked.

"You just…you just…" He breathed in and stared at her. Then he began looking upwards as if he'd lost something to the sky.

"What are you looking for?"

"Mistletoe – that's the only rational explanation I can think of."

"Oh, come off it! Isn't it obvious that I…that I love you?" He looked as if she was saying the most ridiculous thing in the world. "Isn't that an explanation as well?" He blinked.

"But…why?"

"Probably because my mum didn't pray for me a lot," He laughed abruptly, yet still looked incredulous.

"I don't believe you."

"Why on earth not?"

"Because…you're you, and I'm me…we weren't meant to be…this isn't our storyline…" he said this whilst staring into her eyes; she took his face into her hands.

"We can write whatever we like in our lives, Sev," She felt tears come to her eyes, "No matter what has happened to us in the past – no matter who we are standing here now – as long as we believe in a future and care for each other and…" Lily let go of him, "But of course if this is the nice way of letting a girl down, isn't it? Its ok, I understand…"

He remained silent.

And then he began laughing – laughing so hard it scared her. He laughed in a way that it felt as though he would never stop; he jumped up and ran away from her – ran back to her – he took her by the hands and they span and span…and then he brought her close, held her and said:

"'I'll follow you and make a heaven out of hell, and I'll die by your hand which I love so well.'"

"Are you quoting Shakespeare, Severus?" She said, giddy from spinning and laughing.

"I believe I am…"

He brought his hand to her face and kissed her softly, gently. She felt her breath catch somewhere in her chest, felt his soft mouth become more and more insistent. How could she have ever considered going out with James…? She could barely contain herself any longer and wrapped her arms around him, deepening their kiss.

They held each other, whispering lover's promises until, even with the coat on, Lily shivered – so they ran back to the castle, holding hands, laughing, drunk on their happiness…

Such is the naivety of youth.

And remember no ending ever ends this happily…

And so be warned, this is not the end.


End file.
